Authors Posts by Vin DiCarlo

Vin DiCarlo


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Look, we all know the stereotypical male model, posing on a giant billboard on the side of the highway or in a magazine as part of a cologne advertisement, or on those stupid bowflex commercials, you know the one with ripped pecs and biceps, a heavyset jaw, piercing eyes and, of course, no chest hair. He is put up on a pedestal as the ideal Man, the one every girl secretly (or not so secretly) desires and the man every other man wishes he could be (if he isn’t one of the lucky few who already is.)

We should all, as men, therefore strive to look like him by working out a lot, dressing well, and of course, getting rid of all our chest hair. Right? Wrong. Besides being a mildly to severely painful experience, waxing chest hair is also not very helpful when it comes to attracting women – which is the only real reason to get it done. While it might seem like waxing chest hair will make you more like that model of models you see around you and think women desire, it will really make you seem more like an insecure man who is trying a bit too hard to be someone that he isn’t. Furthermore, there is very little evidence to suggest that the majority of women even prefer chests with no hair over those that have it.

Just as men are attracted to women that are much too short, or not skinny enough, or not “perfect” enough to be models, women too are very attracted to men that would never grace the cover of a fashion magazine or appear in a T.V. advertisement. That guy up on the billboards is not real; just like the actors and actresses at the Oscars he has been made up and airbrushed, caught at the perfect angle, to look the way he does for a brief moment. Striving to that will only be futile and stupid.

When it comes to waxing chest hair specifically, therefore, there is really no point. Many women love hairy chests, happy trails, etc. They see it as a sign of manliness, and a part of the sort of rugged look that makes so many men age well. If you want to trim excessive neck hair that is generally a good idea, and definitely if you have back hair get rid of it, but if you have chest hair you should wear it with pride and not try and wax it off. Unless you’re in L.A. or Las Vegas, girls will never be surprised and never care at all if they see you have chest hair.

There is one notable exception to the claim that waxing chest hair is rather stupid: if a specific girl you are with or want to be with has made it become known that it is unattractive to her. In this case it makes perfect sense to get it waxed, as long you don’t mind doing it. Go to a nice salon and they will be perfectly professional and relaxed about it, and you’ll have to simply tolerate the pain.

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Learning how to flirt online is, in many ways, very similar to learning how to flirt in any kind of conversation or face-to-face interaction. Flirting of any type involves playfully hinting at potential romantic interaction with the person you are flirting with, while not being direct, intimidating, or obvious about your intentions.

Learning how to flirt online is learning to do exactly that, but through a medium where you cannot see each other (and thus cannot use helpful indicators such as body language and your gaze which can so effectively allow you to say things without saying them) and cannot hear each other (taking away the opportunity to use your voice inflection to imply or suggest things, and also make it obvious when you are joking, etc.) In other words, flirting online, while not necessarily more difficult, can be more limiting than regular flirting. It has a great benefit, however, of being much less risky.

The first thing to keep in mind when thinking about how to flirt online is the initial greeting. Don’t be too cute with these, but at the same time it might be greatly helpful to avoid a simple “yo” or “hey” or “what’s up.” Instead, try and find something about her, or something she said, that you found interesting (or at least will make her think you found interesting), and ask her about it. Starting a conversation online with “hey you mentioned the other day that _______, I was wondering…” or “I have a question,” or “I was wondering…” etc is great because it very much personalizes your interaction with her while not bluntly telling her that you are trying to hit on her.

The next think to know about how to flirt online is that one of the most negative things you can do for yourself is to be negative. Cursing, complaining about your life, complaining about other people or other girls, insulting anyone, etc is not attractive, and is instead a sign of immaturity and/or being a bit of an ass. Women respond better to positive comments, especially online where the words are all they have.

The second thing to keep in mind is to try and personalize your interaction as much as possible. This is where learning how to flirt online is different than learning to flirt in person; whereas in person complimenting a girl can be very effective, online it is much less so and might even be detrimental.

Complimenting a girl’s physical appearance, especially, will probably be viewed as a not-so-subtle attempt to hit on her, and will probably not be seen as attractive. Instead, personalize your comments by asking her about herself, being engaged in specific details she is telling you, and if you want to compliment her, compliment something other than her physical appearance (I would say if you are on facebook, the farthest you should go is complimenting her profile picture, though even in this case making playful remarks about it would probably be more effective.) If you do this, your conversation online can lead to easy, comfortable interactions in person, which is the ultimate goal.

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Let’s face it, women want guys who have friends, and if you want to have success with women, you have to want friends. Sure, there are those guys who pour everything into their girlfriend (and subsequently lose all of their friends), but the vast majority of the time those guys see their relationship end and realize they are left with very little going forward. Their job in attracting women becomes much, much tougher. And if their relationship didn’t end well, good for them, assuming it’s good to have such a one-dimensional social existence.

If you’re not in such a situation and simply want to attract attractive women, then you should definitely want friends. Chances are you have some, and that’s great. It’s never a good idea to sever ties with people that you trust and get along with, so I definitely will not tell you to do that. But if you’re having trouble getting women and you don’t know why, you might want to take a look around you and see what image you project to them when you go out. Never drop friends without a good reason, but you could perhaps make new ones as well. I’ll get to this briefly. If, however, you don’t have friends – or at least very many – then it is even more important to put some effort into trying to find some.

Girls are attracted to you personally – your appearance, your mannerisms, your personality, etc – but they are also attracted to a certain idea of you that they have in their heads. This includes the social status that you have (and your potential to increase hers), the potential to make her friends jealous, the potential to provide her with a great, trustworthy boyfriend (or perhaps even husband and/or father, they do think about these things early on), among other things. Your friends are a big part of how she forms this image; the things you do with them will in her head make you more likely to be a certain kind of adult, and the way you interact with them will in her head make you more likely to be a certain kind of boyfriend.

Furthermore, the social standing that you have within your group of friends (if you are the leader, a follower, or anything in between) may help her form her opinion about your status, and about how her friends will receive you. This may seem like a lot of things girls can pick up just from viewing your friends, but it is certainly true, and if you want to be great at picking up girls you have to not only want friends – if you don’t have any, or at least not very many – but want at least some friends that will help you in this social arena. A final note: to simply want friends is not enough. You have to be proactive and go out and meet people and establish connections. Don’t sit back and expect any to come to you.

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All beautiful women can be intimidating. Whether you are talking to or interacting with them directly, or simply see them pass you by at work, school, dinner, etc, they can engender a sense of intrigue and wonder, and cause butterflies to appear in your stomach at the thought of approaching them. It follows naturally that beautiful smart women can be even more intimidating, and it can seem much harder to think of what to say to them to get them to like you and entertain the thought of being with you.

In a large sense this is true. Beautiful smart women are much more aware of the typical games men like to play, things they like to say, ways they like to manipulate women, etc, in order to get with them. Planned phrases, obviously thought out approaches, and carefully rehearsed pick-up lines that might work on other women will not work on them nearly as easily. Furthermore, they probably have higher standards for your own intelligence, personality, even status in life than other women might and, finally, the high likelihood that they are well educated makes it an added challenge to have your world views and beliefs be, at the very least, compatible with theirs.

However, beautiful and smart women are, deep down, the same as any beautiful women, the same as any women, and really, the same as any people. They have very similar wants, needs, and sources of both happiness and unhappiness. Because of this, approaching beautiful smart women can actually be easier than approaching beautiful women who aren’t as intelligent; it is much easier to stimulate conversation with them, keep it going, talk to them about a broad array of topics, etc, and much easier for them to tell you about their life and allow you to get to know them.

Because they are smarter and realize that dating handsome douchebags or immature jock-types ultimately doesn’t make them happy, they might be more likely to give someone like you, who might have had less success with women in the past, a chance. When approaching beautiful smart women, simply be genuine, show interest in what they are saying, and make them feel special as a person and not simply as a physical object.

As mentioned above, throw out all lines and rehearsed approaches – they will not work. Instead, introduce yourself, or even acknowledge what is going on to alleviate some awkwardness. If you want to compliment her, try and compliment her personality, or at least her mannerisms (smile, walk, etc), rather than her physical appearance. If she is a beautiful, smart woman, she will know she is attractive and has probably heard those compliments a thousand times.

Finally, be passionate in your conversation, be engaged when you talk about yourself and your own interests, and be interested (ask her questions) about what she does and the things she tells you about herself. If you find in yourself the courage to go talk to a beautiful, smart woman, you could just find yourself getting what you never thought was possible!

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Drunk girls might be loud, annoying, obnoxious and rude, they might embarrass you and make you want to leave them or yell at them, they might smell bad or act childishly, etc – or, of course, they can be a bundle of fun and excitement – but the bottom line is drunk girls should, above all, be taken care of.

While ill treatment of spouses or significant others, domestic abuse, etc, is actually fairly evenly split between men and women (in terms of how many of each gender are the victims), sexual assault and taking advantage of women is much, much more prevalent than taking advantage of men. Drunk girls are by far the most vulnerable to this, as their inhibitions are down, their ability to make smart and quick decisions is impaired and, perhaps most importantly, no one is surprised to see them doing anything sexual even in a public place, or with someone that no one really knows, because they are expected to do crazy things.

Drunk girls rarely ever go out anywhere alone. It is you, as their boyfriend, or their closest friends, that should be most responsible for her well being. It simply doesn’t matter how embarrassing or out of control your girlfriend or girl friend is, when she is drunk she needs people to keep an eye out on her, and she might even need people to make her go home against her drunk will. This might not be easy. First of all, when you go out to a club, party, or bar, you want to have a really fun night. For a girlfriend or close friend to start acting out of control is incredibly frustrating (especially if you don’t go out very much, or have had a tough work week.)

The tendency is to distance yourself from her, try to not have to deal with her, and enjoy the night as much as you can. However, even if she is being very selfish, you should never do this. Her safety and well-being is always more important than a potential fun night. If this means going home early, that can also lead to a very tough situation. Just as it is very hard to be the friend that forcibly takes the keys from a drunk friend so he or she cannot drive home, it is very hard to force drunk girls away from a bar or party if they do not want to leave. However, be persistent and, even if she ruins your night, wait until she has blown off enough steam to be handled and placed into a car before being driven home.

Finally, if you see any drunk girls that seem to be in no state to be making decisions, and you see a man taking advantage of them that you don’t know and, especially, that they don’t know, you have tough decisions to make. If you know the girl well, you might want to make up an excuse why she has to leave and drag her out of there. If you don’t, try and find someone who does and get them to do something. It might make her mad at you, and you might have prevented something perfectly legitimate, but it’s worth the risk of allowing her to do something tha could negatively alter the rest of her life.

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It’s that time of year, the time that you’ve marked in your calendar and set in your phone so as not to forget, the time you’re kind of looking forward to on one hand but also dreading at the same time: it’s the time of year when your girlfriend’s birthday is just around the corner.

Sure, the party will be fun, sure you have an excuse to get drunk and have birthday sex, etc. However, you also have to deal with some questions. “How much should I be planning her party?” or “Should I try and surprise her?” or the biggest and most nerve-wracking one, “What can I get my girlfriend for her birthday?”

The party planning you should probably ask her about, subtly. Ask her what she’s done in the past for her birthday, and ask her what she might have in mind for this one. Chances are, she will give you some sort of indication of what she wants, and how big of a role she wants you to have in planning it. Hopefully you can simply pick up on this and make the right choice.

(Side note: “I don’t want a surprise!” can either mean “If you throw me a surprise party I will be pissed!” or “If you don’t throw me a surprise party I will be disappointed.” No one said women were easy to understand. In this case it’s probably best to ask her friends what they think, and if you do plan on throwing her one, make them heavily involved in it.)

The most important question, however, that of “what can I get my girlfriend for her birthday?” is a lot trickier. Chances are the things she wants most are clothes and/or jewelry, or perhaps things for her apartment (if she has one), etc. It is very risky to pick these things out for her. Girls have very particular styles, and sometimes things you think wold look nice will not work with her outfits for reasons you could never have imagined. What should you get her then? The best possible answer to the question of “what can I get my girlfriend for her birthday?” is something that she offhandedly (or explicitly) mentioned to you she wanted.

This is sure to make her happy, not only because she will obviously be happy with her gift, but also because you remembered what she said, which makes her feel loved. If, however, she did not mention it, you could either take her shopping and buy her something (write her a very nice card!), or get her something you know she needs such as something electronic, or a kitchen appliance, etc, or even a nice bottle of wine if she’s into that thing (in addition to something like chocolate, and a nice card!) If she has any specific interests or hobbies, see if you can get her something that goes along with them. IN this situation, talking to her friends can also be very helpful. Finally, if you didn’t get the picture yet, make her a nice card.

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If you’re having the thought that “I don’t trust my girlfriend,” it is highly likely that your relationship is in a serious and disturbing place. Relationships cannot function without trust (and not simply a base level of trust but a very high level of it), and the trust has to come from both parties. If thoughts of “I don’t trust my girlfriend” are going through your head, the first thing to do is to try and think about your relationship with as little emotion as possible. Are you imagining why you don’t trust her?

Has she given you any tangible reasons not to trust her, or are you simply operating on unfounded gut feelings (such as those based on her being attractive, her being away a lot, her liking to have time for herself, etc, aka things that could make it easier to behave in an untrustworthy manner, but that do not actually make it any more likely that she is being untrustworthy)? Sometimes, the most important part of the “I don’t trust my girlfriend” thought that comes to your mind is the word I; it can often be issues that you yourself have with trust or with forming connections with women that are holding you back and making you suspicious, more than anything she is actually doing (these can, of course, stem from past experience with other women.)

If, however, she is giving you definite reasons not to trust her – being too flirtatious with other guys, hiding things from you, etc, and if you catch her lying to you, among other things – then you must ask yourself if the relationship is worth fighting for (because you will have to fight to keep it going.) If it isn’t, if she is not so special, if the main reason you are with her is because you’ve gotten used to the idea or because you don’t like being single or because you simply think she is physically attractive (among a host of other shallow reasons), you should seriously consider breaking up with her, or at least having a very serious talk with her, and threaten to break up with her if things don’t change soon.

If, however, you are truly in love with her and cannot bear the thought of living without her, then the idea that you don’t trust your girlfriend can be terrifying. First, once again, look at yourself. See if there is anything that you could do that would make her appreciate you more and be less inclined to go behind your back with anything or lie to you about anything. Do you get too angry at her for little things (making her more likely to lie to you)? Are you too smothering? Do you make her want to get away from you?

Anything you can change about the way you are acting to make her less untrustworthy, you should. If, however, you feel you are doing all that you can, then you can either try talking to her, making her realize how much she is hurting you (because there is a chance she simply isn’t thinking about that consequence of her actions), and hope that she changes. If she does not though, you might be in for a heartbreak. A relationship without trust is surely doomed to fail…

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The first things to keep in mind when you’re looking for an easy way to get girls are the easy ways to not get girls. The biggest problem most men have trying to pick up women isn’t that they aren’t incredible or amazing enough to approach them, but rather because they do things to hurt themselves and their own chances and make it much harder or even impossible on themselves to get anywhere with the women they pursue.

The most important problem that looms above all others is seeming desperate. Girls are attracted to confidence and to men who are liked by others and by other girls. They want men who are comfortable and confident in their independence. When you seem desperate initially, act as if you really want or even need them to be happy, act as if you hate being alone and aren’t happy and confident in yourself as an independent person, they will most likely turn away from you immediately – unless you are simply incredibly good looking. If you’re looking for an easy way to get girls, the first place to start is to never appear desperate. This is done by not trying too hard with them, by enjoying the company of friends and other girls that you have no romantic interest in, etc.

The second thing to do is avoid any indication of sleaziness. This is unattractive to most women, and the ones for whom it is not are probably ones to stay away from. This is done fairly easily: dress well (of course everyone has a different style, but make it look like you care somewhat, and appear presentable), groom yourself, smell decent, and keep your language clean and your actions classy (overt cursing and negativity are signs of immaturity and a lack of confidence, and will not help you attract women).

If you avoid these two problems, you are well on your way to figuring out easy ways to get girls. In some cases, this will just happen for you if you’re confident and give yourself the opportunities. Remember to be confident, try to make her laugh, maintain eye contact both in talking with her and simply looking at her from across the room, and accept the fact that you might not get her; don’t push anything too hard or far.

Finally, the best easy way to get girls is to meet girls through other girls – ones that you are friends with, ones that like you for who you are, etc. This can happen either by them setting you up with one of their friends (who will hopefully be likely to get along well with you, if your friend knows you well), by you simply meeting their friends when you hang out with her in any environment (which is also great, because you can simultaneously attract a girl, and have her get to know things about you indirectly, without having to bring the awkward pressure of a formal introduction), or simply through having other girls that you have no connection to see you with your friend, see how much she likes you, and view you as mysterious, intriguing, and possessing of some quality that is attractive to women. If you are not friends with girls, try to start, and if you are, try to take advantage of that opportunity.

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There are, unfortunately, many ways to turn off women. This can involve turning them away before you get a chance to meet them, or making them reluctant to or dismissive of having sex with you once you are already in a relationship with them. Turn offs for women are, of course, different in each case, but there are some generalizations that can be made about them which can prove to be extremely useful.

The easiest way to turn a woman off is to ignore her. While a certain degree of aloofness is okay in order to avoid seeming desperate, outright ignoring her never works. Women (and men too, by the way), want and need attention to be turned on by you. While you should not be suffocating her, make sure to listen to her and engage in your conversations with her.

Another of the great turn offs for women is being, for lack of a better phrase, an arrogant douchebag. Women are not turned on by insults, by demeaning comments towards them (or towards other women), ill treatment of hostesses, waitresses or bartenders, or singing your own praises. Another thing that follows from this is not to obviously check out or pay attention to other women while talking to one specifically. She won’t become jealous as some advice givers would have you believe, and will instead get instantly turned off.

A third major group of turn offs for women involve gadgets. The worst of these are pretending to be something that you are not (renting a fake car, lying about your job, etc.) She will probably see right through your tricks and turn away from you immediately. Pre-planned extravagant approaches, using your kid to get attention from women, or cheesy pick-up lines will turn her off just as easily. Women want to think what they are seeing is the real person, the real you, and that you are confident that you alone are enough to get her to like you and be attracted to you. Elaborate gadgets show weakness and self-doubt.

A final and definite turn-off for women is bad personal hygiene and/or a sloppy physical appearance. Bad breath or body odor will want to make her run away immediately. Dressing or eating like a slob will turn her off as well. While having good personal hygiene and a sharp appearance are certainly not sufficient to attract a woman, they are certainly necessary.

To avoid turning off woman, just be clean, be genuine, be honest, and be confident. Then you can get to the real task – turning her on.

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Learning how to flirt like a pro is achieved in large part through practice and a large amount of experience doing so with a variety of different women. However, there are many things to keep in mind to learn how to flirt like a pro, or the experience will not bring you nearly as much.

In a broad sense, all flirting is the same: you are hinting at and alluding to potential sexual and/or romantic experience with a girl, subtly, and without obviously revealing your intentions. It is a game that is played by both sides, and part of learning how to flirt like a pro involves being able to read the extent to which she is playing the same game as you. In another sense, however, there are different aspects and different categories of flirting.

The most impersonal form of flirting is done through messaging, whether it be online, over text, etc. In this case it is important to keep your conversations clean (cursing and/or being excessively negative or insulting is a sign of immaturity and extremely unattractive), don’t try to compliment her physical appearance much (this will seem desperate, and your intentions will be transparent), and be very interested and engaged in what she is saying to you. Ask her questions about herself, etc, and play off of what she says in response. Knowing how to flirt like a pro includes knowledge of these things as they pertain not only to chat but to other areas as well.

Another type of flirting necessary to master if you want to learn how to flirt like a pro is through face-to-face conversation. This involves much of the same things as texting or chatting: don’t be too crude, and be really engaged in what she is saying to you by listening, responding, and asking her questions. A further point of emphasis should be to try and make her laugh as often as possible (this is applicable through chat as well), as this makes her feel comfortable and makes you come across as confident and charming. When in face-to-face conversation it is much more okay to compliment a woman’s appearance, although try to personalize your compliments by making them as detailed as possible (this will make her feel special.)