It’s understandable that from time to time guys are going to turn to others for relationship advice and tips on how to date. But, striking the balance between having confidence in your own actions and seeking help can be tricky.
It’s always good to involve other people in your personal guidance. It’s great to have mentors, but the problem that I see with a lot of guys that come to me for coaching is that they want me to fix them. I have to be honest with them and tell them I simply can’t. Some people think that this is a bizarre thing for a coach to say, when surely this is what I’m there for.
It’s a reality for all coaches – whether we like it or not, we can’t fix people. All we can do is facilitate an environment and a learning situation that helps people fix themselves. At the end of the day, the change has to happen internally.
Taking your love life by the reins…
If guys take responsibility for their own position in life, in particularly their own position in life with women, then going to someone else for guidance or assistance is going to be a positive experience. But, if a guy becomes too concerned with the opinions of others, problems arise. Luckily, there are specific things a guy can do to become more reliant upon himself for maintaining his love life’s direction.
One great exercise is changing who you are going out with. I find that a lot of people have what we call situational confidence, whereby, if they are in a particular situation, they tend to have the confidence to go up and approach girls. That might be a particular club that they like to go to or more often it’s a particular group of people that they like to hang out with. This way, they have guys there cheering them on, which encourages them to take action.
It’s not that it’s a bad thing – but it becomes a bad thing when it is a crutch that a guy needs in order to successful pick up girls. If he is put in a situation where he sees a girl that he is attracted to and he would like to go approach her, and he doesn’t have those other people around to push him into it, is he going to be able to step up?
Do it solo to chat up the most stunning girls…
To make sure the answer to that question is a yes, it could be beneficial to put yourself in situations where you are forced to go solo. You could go out with people who are part of another community and use this to test whether you still feel confident talking to girls.
Every guy I’ve met has become an expert at this, and at some point in their development focused on going out solo. I think the guys that found new ways to push themselves outside of their comfort zone became far more self-reliant and confident finding love as a result. So be brave: man up and follow your own thoughts and instincts – you will be far more likely to get the girl you want with this approach.