Dating Tips

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It’s that time of year, the time that you’ve marked in your calendar and set in your phone so as not to forget, the time you’re kind of looking forward to on one hand but also dreading at the same time: it’s the time of year when your girlfriend’s birthday is just around the corner.

Sure, the party will be fun, sure you have an excuse to get drunk and have birthday sex, etc. However, you also have to deal with some questions. “How much should I be planning her party?” or “Should I try and surprise her?” or the biggest and most nerve-wracking one, “What can I get my girlfriend for her birthday?”

The party planning you should probably ask her about, subtly. Ask her what she’s done in the past for her birthday, and ask her what she might have in mind for this one. Chances are, she will give you some sort of indication of what she wants, and how big of a role she wants you to have in planning it. Hopefully you can simply pick up on this and make the right choice.

(Side note: “I don’t want a surprise!” can either mean “If you throw me a surprise party I will be pissed!” or “If you don’t throw me a surprise party I will be disappointed.” No one said women were easy to understand. In this case it’s probably best to ask her friends what they think, and if you do plan on throwing her one, make them heavily involved in it.)

The most important question, however, that of “what can I get my girlfriend for her birthday?” is a lot trickier. Chances are the things she wants most are clothes and/or jewelry, or perhaps things for her apartment (if she has one), etc. It is very risky to pick these things out for her. Girls have very particular styles, and sometimes things you think wold look nice will not work with her outfits for reasons you could never have imagined. What should you get her then? The best possible answer to the question of “what can I get my girlfriend for her birthday?” is something that she offhandedly (or explicitly) mentioned to you she wanted.

This is sure to make her happy, not only because she will obviously be happy with her gift, but also because you remembered what she said, which makes her feel loved. If, however, she did not mention it, you could either take her shopping and buy her something (write her a very nice card!), or get her something you know she needs such as something electronic, or a kitchen appliance, etc, or even a nice bottle of wine if she’s into that thing (in addition to something like chocolate, and a nice card!) If she has any specific interests or hobbies, see if you can get her something that goes along with them. IN this situation, talking to her friends can also be very helpful. Finally, if you didn’t get the picture yet, make her a nice card.

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If you’re having the thought that “I don’t trust my girlfriend,” it is highly likely that your relationship is in a serious and disturbing place. Relationships cannot function without trust (and not simply a base level of trust but a very high level of it), and the trust has to come from both parties. If thoughts of “I don’t trust my girlfriend” are going through your head, the first thing to do is to try and think about your relationship with as little emotion as possible. Are you imagining why you don’t trust her?

Has she given you any tangible reasons not to trust her, or are you simply operating on unfounded gut feelings (such as those based on her being attractive, her being away a lot, her liking to have time for herself, etc, aka things that could make it easier to behave in an untrustworthy manner, but that do not actually make it any more likely that she is being untrustworthy)? Sometimes, the most important part of the “I don’t trust my girlfriend” thought that comes to your mind is the word I; it can often be issues that you yourself have with trust or with forming connections with women that are holding you back and making you suspicious, more than anything she is actually doing (these can, of course, stem from past experience with other women.)

If, however, she is giving you definite reasons not to trust her – being too flirtatious with other guys, hiding things from you, etc, and if you catch her lying to you, among other things – then you must ask yourself if the relationship is worth fighting for (because you will have to fight to keep it going.) If it isn’t, if she is not so special, if the main reason you are with her is because you’ve gotten used to the idea or because you don’t like being single or because you simply think she is physically attractive (among a host of other shallow reasons), you should seriously consider breaking up with her, or at least having a very serious talk with her, and threaten to break up with her if things don’t change soon.

If, however, you are truly in love with her and cannot bear the thought of living without her, then the idea that you don’t trust your girlfriend can be terrifying. First, once again, look at yourself. See if there is anything that you could do that would make her appreciate you more and be less inclined to go behind your back with anything or lie to you about anything. Do you get too angry at her for little things (making her more likely to lie to you)? Are you too smothering? Do you make her want to get away from you?

Anything you can change about the way you are acting to make her less untrustworthy, you should. If, however, you feel you are doing all that you can, then you can either try talking to her, making her realize how much she is hurting you (because there is a chance she simply isn’t thinking about that consequence of her actions), and hope that she changes. If she does not though, you might be in for a heartbreak. A relationship without trust is surely doomed to fail…

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The first things to keep in mind when you’re looking for an easy way to get girls are the easy ways to not get girls. The biggest problem most men have trying to pick up women isn’t that they aren’t incredible or amazing enough to approach them, but rather because they do things to hurt themselves and their own chances and make it much harder or even impossible on themselves to get anywhere with the women they pursue.

The most important problem that looms above all others is seeming desperate. Girls are attracted to confidence and to men who are liked by others and by other girls. They want men who are comfortable and confident in their independence. When you seem desperate initially, act as if you really want or even need them to be happy, act as if you hate being alone and aren’t happy and confident in yourself as an independent person, they will most likely turn away from you immediately – unless you are simply incredibly good looking. If you’re looking for an easy way to get girls, the first place to start is to never appear desperate. This is done by not trying too hard with them, by enjoying the company of friends and other girls that you have no romantic interest in, etc.

The second thing to do is avoid any indication of sleaziness. This is unattractive to most women, and the ones for whom it is not are probably ones to stay away from. This is done fairly easily: dress well (of course everyone has a different style, but make it look like you care somewhat, and appear presentable), groom yourself, smell decent, and keep your language clean and your actions classy (overt cursing and negativity are signs of immaturity and a lack of confidence, and will not help you attract women).

If you avoid these two problems, you are well on your way to figuring out easy ways to get girls. In some cases, this will just happen for you if you’re confident and give yourself the opportunities. Remember to be confident, try to make her laugh, maintain eye contact both in talking with her and simply looking at her from across the room, and accept the fact that you might not get her; don’t push anything too hard or far.

Finally, the best easy way to get girls is to meet girls through other girls – ones that you are friends with, ones that like you for who you are, etc. This can happen either by them setting you up with one of their friends (who will hopefully be likely to get along well with you, if your friend knows you well), by you simply meeting their friends when you hang out with her in any environment (which is also great, because you can simultaneously attract a girl, and have her get to know things about you indirectly, without having to bring the awkward pressure of a formal introduction), or simply through having other girls that you have no connection to see you with your friend, see how much she likes you, and view you as mysterious, intriguing, and possessing of some quality that is attractive to women. If you are not friends with girls, try to start, and if you are, try to take advantage of that opportunity.

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There are, unfortunately, many ways to turn off women. This can involve turning them away before you get a chance to meet them, or making them reluctant to or dismissive of having sex with you once you are already in a relationship with them. Turn offs for women are, of course, different in each case, but there are some generalizations that can be made about them which can prove to be extremely useful.

The easiest way to turn a woman off is to ignore her. While a certain degree of aloofness is okay in order to avoid seeming desperate, outright ignoring her never works. Women (and men too, by the way), want and need attention to be turned on by you. While you should not be suffocating her, make sure to listen to her and engage in your conversations with her.

Another of the great turn offs for women is being, for lack of a better phrase, an arrogant douchebag. Women are not turned on by insults, by demeaning comments towards them (or towards other women), ill treatment of hostesses, waitresses or bartenders, or singing your own praises. Another thing that follows from this is not to obviously check out or pay attention to other women while talking to one specifically. She won’t become jealous as some advice givers would have you believe, and will instead get instantly turned off.

A third major group of turn offs for women involve gadgets. The worst of these are pretending to be something that you are not (renting a fake car, lying about your job, etc.) She will probably see right through your tricks and turn away from you immediately. Pre-planned extravagant approaches, using your kid to get attention from women, or cheesy pick-up lines will turn her off just as easily. Women want to think what they are seeing is the real person, the real you, and that you are confident that you alone are enough to get her to like you and be attracted to you. Elaborate gadgets show weakness and self-doubt.

A final and definite turn-off for women is bad personal hygiene and/or a sloppy physical appearance. Bad breath or body odor will want to make her run away immediately. Dressing or eating like a slob will turn her off as well. While having good personal hygiene and a sharp appearance are certainly not sufficient to attract a woman, they are certainly necessary.

To avoid turning off woman, just be clean, be genuine, be honest, and be confident. Then you can get to the real task – turning her on.

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Learning how to flirt like a pro is achieved in large part through practice and a large amount of experience doing so with a variety of different women. However, there are many things to keep in mind to learn how to flirt like a pro, or the experience will not bring you nearly as much.

In a broad sense, all flirting is the same: you are hinting at and alluding to potential sexual and/or romantic experience with a girl, subtly, and without obviously revealing your intentions. It is a game that is played by both sides, and part of learning how to flirt like a pro involves being able to read the extent to which she is playing the same game as you. In another sense, however, there are different aspects and different categories of flirting.

The most impersonal form of flirting is done through messaging, whether it be online, over text, etc. In this case it is important to keep your conversations clean (cursing and/or being excessively negative or insulting is a sign of immaturity and extremely unattractive), don’t try to compliment her physical appearance much (this will seem desperate, and your intentions will be transparent), and be very interested and engaged in what she is saying to you. Ask her questions about herself, etc, and play off of what she says in response. Knowing how to flirt like a pro includes knowledge of these things as they pertain not only to chat but to other areas as well.

Another type of flirting necessary to master if you want to learn how to flirt like a pro is through face-to-face conversation. This involves much of the same things as texting or chatting: don’t be too crude, and be really engaged in what she is saying to you by listening, responding, and asking her questions. A further point of emphasis should be to try and make her laugh as often as possible (this is applicable through chat as well), as this makes her feel comfortable and makes you come across as confident and charming. When in face-to-face conversation it is much more okay to compliment a woman’s appearance, although try to personalize your compliments by making them as detailed as possible (this will make her feel special.)

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Drunk party girls are often idealized by men, seen as the ultimate goal of a great night out, an alluring attraction at any bar, nightclub, or house party, and a beacon for wild and crazy fun. A party is not a party without drunk party girls, many say, and indeed many rely on such women as the best (or perhaps even only) chance that they will get lucky on any given night.

This depiction of drunk party girls certainly has some truth to it; they can definitely be a whole lot of fun, can engender crazy actions from all around them, and can be your best chance to hook up out at whatever party you are at, or to bring a woman home with you for the evening. However, what it also does is mask what is the overall true tendency of drunk party girls: They are incredibly annoying.

Drunk party girls are often idealized by men. Sure, being around drunk party girls can be wild and crazy. This is certainly not always, or even usually, a good thing. Sometimes, being around drunk party girls is like being around out of control adolescents who do whatever they want, think the entire world revolves around them, and like, for whatever reason, to scream a lot.

Drunk party girls are apt to insult you for no reason, to spill their drink on you and not care, to step on you with their high heels (leading to an underrated and underappreciated level of pain, I might add), and even if you are hooking up with them they tend to be sloppy and talk too much, asking you to validate their appearance or make themselves feel better about what they are doing, etc (nothing like a drunk girl throwing herself on you all night and then pretending she “really shouldn’t be doing this” and “never ever does things like this” before offering up her place as a potential destination for the evening.)

Often, it is must more pleasant to avoid the mob of drunk party girls (they always seem to travel in groups) altogether, and instead try to seek out women that are more in control of themselves and, possibly, might be up for an actual conversation. If you are with drunk party girls – either as a friend, or if you are dating one of them – they can be even more stupidly annoying. Many times when you go out it can be the only chance you have all week or even all month, and you put a lot of hope in the night to be a fun experience.

Drunk party girls, often times, don’t give a shit about your hopes. Instead, their sometimes crazy, belligerent, and/or embarrassing actions cause you to have to deal with them the whole night instead of trying to have a fun time, and will also often cause you to have to end the night early in order to take them home. If you have the choice between going out with drunk party girls or those that are perhaps a bit less hardcore, go with the latter choice most times and you will not regret it.

A final note: drunk party girls often end up vomiting. Not only is this unseemly itself, but also leads to possibly the worst smelling breath in the history of mankind. If you have to take care of a drunk girl who threw up, try to stay behind her. You’ll thank me later.

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Learning how to flirt through messages is a lot like learning to flirt in general. Flirting is all about subtle allusions to sex and romance that are not done explicitly. While this is easier in person, when you have the added tools of using your body language, your gaze, your hand gestures and light touches, etc, it can certainly be accomplished through talking or, even, through online messages or texts.

Knowing how to flirt through messages or texts is simply knowing how to do with simple text what is done naturally through words and body language. The first thing to keep in mind when learning how to flirt through messages is to cut down on and even eliminate all vulgar language and curse words. Curse words are not seen as attractive by women, and are in fact viewed as signs of immaturity and a lack of confidence in yourself. Along these lines, generally negative comments, complaints, blaming others for things, etc, are also viewed unfavorably by women and taken as a sign of unattractive qualities. Be clean and positive, and you will be viewed as more attractive.

The next thing to keep in mind regarding how to flirt through messages is your entrance or greeting. While a generic “hey” or “hi” or “what’s up” is okay, it’s not using the medium of chat or texting to your greatest advantage. Instead, try something more engaging, something that shows her you are personally interested in her – something that makes her feel special. Ask her a question about something she said earlier, ask her something that you’ve been curious about regarding her, reference something she brought up in or at work, or something she said to you specifically earlier on. This will make her much more likely to want to respond and talk to you than a simple generic greeting.

This ties into a related note when it comes to learning how to flirt through messages: make sure to be engaged throughout your conversation with her, and personalize your messages as much as you can. The thing to keep in mind is that it is much harder to give her an incentive to keep talking to you online, as opposed to in person; there is so much else she could do besides talk to you online (the internet is full of activities, and she could always get off her computer.)

Therefore, make her want to talk to you, by asking her and talking to her about personal, interesting things that are very relevant to her and make her feel wanted, appreciated, and special. The way, then, to be flirtatious is to simply make her laugh, and place carefully timed compliments, or allusions to how much you like her (and specifically in what way you like her.) Do not make it seem as if these compliments (quick note: do not compliment her appearance much at all over chat, as it is easy to see through your intentions) are the purpose of your talking to her; this would lose the idea she has that you are truly interested and engaged in what she is saying. Instead, be subtle with them.

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Warren Beatty was one of those extremely rare types of men who was both the star of their high school football team (he played at Washington-Lee High School in Arlington, Virginia) and willing to risk the dent in his reputation that came from becoming a drama major in college; rejecting almost a dozen scholarships to play football in college. While it is impossible to say for sure that he wouldn’t have gone on to be a famed NFL player with a lucrative, Hall of Fame career, it’s really, really close to impossible and, therefore, it seems his gamble paid off; Warren Beatty, both in and out of the drama world, is the man.

Ever heard of Bonnie and Clyde? There was this 29 year old actor who played one of the leads – Clyde – and also acted as the producer of the movie. In case you were wondering, that actor was Warren Beatty. Ever heard of Heaven Can’t Wait? Shampoo? Reds? Then you’re probably pretty old (sorry), but also probably a fan of the great Warren Beatty.

Ever heard of the Golden Globe Awards? Beatty has, and he was nominated for 16 of them, winning 6 (including the Cecille B. Demille award, generally reserved for actors or actresses who are f**king awesome.) Two people in the history of the universe have been nominated as a producer, director, writer, and actor in the same film. Orson Wells did it once. Warren Beatty did it twice (for the aforementioned films Heaven Can’t Wait and Reds.) Ever heard of the Academy Awards, also known as the Oscars? Beatty has too, and he was nominated for 15 of those, winning Best Director for Reds, and also winning the coveted Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award. Ever heard of the U.S. military? Beatty served in that as well, in the 60’s. Ever heard of the 80’s? Beatty hasn’t either, and therefore don’t let your opinion of him be swayed by any film he was a part of in that decade.

Because he owned 40% of his movie Bonnie and Clyde, Warren Beatty lived his entire life since the age of 27 with more money than you have. This has allowed him a lot of leisure time, which in turn allowed for one of his greatest accomplishments as a man: his run with women. Beatty’s well documented love-life included “contact” with incredible women such as Cher and Madonna, Carly Simon, Goldie Hawn, and Elle McPherson, among many others. He even took a stroll down Diane Lane back when she was really hot.

But oh, you might say, he must be a lonely man due to all his short-term relationships with women! He might seem happy but deep down he must be miserable, and must have a desire to simply be loved… He won’t ever even have children to pass his fortune on to! Alas! WRONG. After his incredibly run Beatty decided to pair up with actress Annette Benning – who has aged extremely well I might add – and have four children with her. Few in the acting world – nay, few in the entire world are more awesome than Warren Beatty. God bless him (oh wait, he already has.)

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Every woman is different – in her appearance, personality, mannerisms, etc – and also in her sexual and romantic preferences. Because of this, learning how to make a woman orgasm is a process that involves learning how to read and understand women, and figure out what they want from men and general and from you in particularly.

Some women love intercourse, they are not ashamed of that fact, and are simply very sexual in nature. These women generally like it harder and rougher in the bedroom, and while some appreciate foreplay, they are less likely to desire it. These are women that simply love to get fucked, and normally find it relatively easy to cum.

If you want to make a woman orgasm who falls into this category, prepare for a workout; make sure your stamina is good enough, and use whatever force you have to fuck her like she wants you to. Women of this type are not rare, but also do not make up a substantial majority of women. They are fairly easy to understand, however, as they usually make it obvious what gets them off (they are not afraid to talk and tell you what they like.)

On the other end of the spectrum there are girls that are very inexperienced, perhaps even ashamed of their inexperience (or their skills, or even their body.) Many such women have never had an orgasm in their lives, or at least have never had one during intercourse. To make a woman of this type orgasm will be an extremely long-term task. If you want to throw yourself into it, make sure you really, really like this girl, because chances are if you succeed it will be because you have broken down some sort of barriers she has had towards men that have built up over many years, so not only will you have the potential of really hurting her if you didn’t care about her that much and end up dumping her after, but you will also simply have to work very hard to get her to have her first orgasm.

So how would you go about making a woman orgasm who hasn’t ever had one? The first thing to realize is that she is probably not very experienced. Orgasms, for women, come much easier and more naturally when their body is used to the feeling – and the situation accompanying it – and the mind is used to the idea of it. For those who have never had an orgasm, one can seem foreign and even frightening,so they will not give in to it and simply let it happen.

Because of this, if you want to make such a woman orgasm, you will have to make her feel extraordinarily comfortable with you, both as a person, as a part of her public and private life and, of course, in the bedroom and without clothing. This can take a long time. The key is that she trusts you completely. If there is any doubt in her mind about your character or your intentions with her, she will probably keep up too much of a guard for you to get through and make her climax.

She must be completely comfortable surrendering her body to you and allowing you to be privy to such an intimate experience and such intimate emotions that she is experiencing. Don’t cheat on her, don’t make fun of her inexperience, and don’t trivialize her problems regarding sex and intimacy. Instead, take her seriously, be patient with her, make sure you use every ounce of skill you have in the bedroom (especially when it comes to foreplay), and eventually the orgasm will cum naturally to her (pun intended.)

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Betrayal in relationships is never a good thing; effective, healthy, long-lasting, loving relationships simply have no place for it. While betrayal in relationships might in fact spell the end of them – sometimes things happen that are too bad to recover from – it can sometimes be overcome and, hopefully, expose and/or point to any underlying problems in the relationship between you and your girlfriend or boyfriend that you did not see, and allow you to attempt to address them.

The worst kind of betrayal in relationships – short of the absolute extreme seen mostly in soap operas and crime shows, such as your girlfriend or boyfriend swindling you out of all your money, hurting or killing someone or committing another heinous crime, or you realizing they are someone else entirely, or have lied to you about something significant in their past – is cheating.

Most men and women have either been cheated on, or known someone who has been. This type of betrayal in relationships is especially hard to deal with; when you are in a romantic relationship, what makes it a committed relationship is that you have committed to the notion that the person you are in a relationship with is the only one with whom you are allowed to have romantic contact with. To breach that is to breach one of the underlying bonds of trust that hold your relationship together. This can be a devastating occurrence to your relationship.

There are, of course, different degrees and types of cheating. Some can be “mild,” such as a drunken making out with someone they don’t know or care about (still cheating, to be sure, but more likely to result from a drunken lowering of inhibitions coupled with a natural attraction to those of the opposite sex than anything else.) Others can be extremely serious, such as an affair – repeated sexual intercourse – with someone they know well and may have feelings and/or a past romantic history with, along with anything that involves an extensive cover-up and lots of lies.

The most serious types of betrayal in relationships are tough to recover from. While it is possible for someone to have taken you for granted to an extreme degree, and for that person to realize what a mistake they made and change the way they behave and the way they treat you forever moving forward, this is very unlikely and, even if it happens, it may not be enough to overcome the feelings of betrayal and the breach of trust that has occurred (furthermore, the idea you had of the goodness of your relationship will have been changed forever.)

However, more mild betrayal in relationships, including mild forms of cheating mentioned above, or not so serious lies about where someone has been or cover ups for what they have done, can be overcome, and can perhaps serve as a needed reminder to not take you as a boyfriend or girlfriend for granted. If they become a pattern, this is a serious problem, but if the betrayal is an isolated case, it does not need to spell doom for your relationship.