Dating Tips

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The definition of an “exclusive relationship” can be both very simple and very complex, depending on whose advice you take. Simply, it means that you and your girlfriend have agreed not to kiss, have sex with, or engage in other physically romantic activities with anyone else besides each other. In this way, “commitment” is essentially a “commitment of one’s body.” However, the definition of exclusive relationship touches on many more subtle gray areas, and also brings with it expectations that extend well beyond not hooking up with other people.

Some things are obviously not allowed in any exclusive relationships – hooking up with or having sex is the most obvious one. There are a few couples that are okay with allowing each other to make out with or kiss other people. I do not recommend this, as it is likely to lead to more problems than it is worth.

However there are much less obvious actions that some, in their definition of exclusive relationship, might think are okay and others might disagree. For example, giving massages to other girls, calling up ex’s, talking to other girls in party settings, flirting, and other things might seem perfectly harmless to you, but to her might seem like a violation of your committed relationship.

How do you keep these gray areas from leading to trouble? The key is to understand the definition of exclusive relationship in a more complex and dynamic way. Nobody is perfect, and everyone is human. You will, of course, be attracted to other girls, and you will probably make some mistakes regarding other girls during the course of your relationship. The most important thing is to constantly remind yourself what an exclusive relationship means in the fullest sense.

Beyond a pledge to take your physical talents off the market, the definition of exclusive relationship also contains many other dimensions that are implied. When you commit to a girl you are, in addition to committing your body, accepting the responsibility for a portion of her happiness and giving her power over a portion of yours. You are committing to be there for her when she needs you, being her friend as well as her lover, and going out of your way to avoid hurting her. Because of this extended definition of exclusive relationship, you must realize that even interactions with other girls that seem perfectly harmless to you might be seen by a girl as a violation of the commitment that you made to her. It is therefore not okay to do certain things beyond hooking up with other girls, if they make your girlfriend unhappy or uncomfortable.

Included in the more complex definition of exclusive relationship are expectations which, essentially, are the expectations of being a boyfriend. When you commit to her, you are committing to being her boyfriend. Try to remember that. Exclusivity should not be taken lightly. If you are not ready for it, tell her that you are not, and hope that she can understand that you want to wait. If not, then not only are you not ready, but you also might not be with the right girl.

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Learning how to flirt over AIM, or any form of text or online chat for that matter, is similar to learning how to flirt in general. The goal of hinting at romance or sex subtly and not implicitly is still very much the same.

However, knowing how to flirt over aim versus in person is in a large sense more limiting – as you cannot utilize control of your body language, your eyes, or your voice inflections, etc that are so important to flirting in person – but can also in a small sense give you the benefit of being able to flirt in a less personal, lower pressure setting where you are less likely to mess up your chances with a girl.

So how can learning how to flirt over AIM work to your advantage?

Learning to attract a girl inevitably involves learning how to project confidence to her. Sometimes, this can be a much more difficult and intimidating task in person than it can be behind a computer screen. It is more difficult to fake confidence in person then it is to fake it over chat. If you are the type of guy who thinks that once he has the opportunity with a girl he would know what to do, but is too nervous around women to give himself that opportunity, learning how to flirt over AIM can be invaluable to you.

How can you convey confidence over AIM?

The first thing to consider is your greeting. A simple “hey” or “what’s up?” type greeting is okay, but does nothing to make her want to keep talking to you. Instead, bring up something that she said earlier, question her about something; in short, make your greeting personalized.

This shows that you want to talk to her specifically, which makes her feel special (always a good thing!) This is also the greatest way to continue conveying confidence throughout your chat. Keep your comments personal. Ask her questions about what she says (though don’t be annoying.) Try to make her laugh through inside jokes, etc. This will make her want to keep talking to you.

Secondly, if you want to know how to flirt over AIM you have to read subtle cues and signs that she is giving you. If she is giving you short, one or two word replies to your questions, chances are she isn’t that into you, or at the very least not into chatting with you. If she isn’t responding for a long time, the same thing is true.

In these cases, don’t push it and keep nagging her. Wait for her to respond, or simply stop talking to her and perhaps try again another day. Unlike in a normal, face to face conversation, a conversation over chat is very easy to disengage from, and unless you have given her a very compelling, intriguing reason to keep talking to you, she might not be very into it.

A final note: cut out all cursing, vulgar language, and overt negativity over chat. They are signs of immaturity and a lack of confidence, and are not attractive.

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If you are looking for deep things to say to a girl as a way of introducing yourself and allowing her to get to know you, you are playing a dangerous game. While finding deep things to say to a girl might seem like a great way to impress her and attract her to you, it tends to make it more difficult for you to achieve what you want.

Saying these kinds of things to women off the bat tends to work against you by intimidating her and making her afraid to talk to you (so as not to appear dumb or boring), by making you seem vein or self-conscious – a truly confident man wouldn’t need to validate himself by saying these kinds of things right off the bat – and also because they tend to be impersonal and abstract, things that could be said to any girl and things that would tend not to make her feel special.

Generally, finding deep things to say to a girl should come later, after you have gotten to know her fairly well, and after she is comfortable around you and feels like you already respect and appreciate her as a person.

There is, however, a way to talk about something beyond the general shallow conversation starters that are supposed to work on girls. Sure, complimenting her appearance, making a simple comment about something she said, or simply introducing yourself confidently is always an effective strategy, but there are ways to achieve similar ends while skipping a lot of shallow and undesirable conversation. This is done, above all, by showing a strong amount of passion about the things you decide to bring up to her.

To be clear, the non-shallow things you talk to her about still should not be abstract, theoretical concepts that you find interesting or consider yourself knowledgeable about. They should be things that are not removed from the direct world around you. They should be a certain cause that you are invested in, a certain job or activity that really inspires or interests you, etc. Women are attracted to men who they see as passionate about something, as they associate that with a higher likelihood that you’ll make a good lover, a good father, and a good boyfriend/husband.

You can very much get away with talking passionately about, say, the foundation you volunteer for, or the music that you play, etc. The key here is to come off as completely and totally genuine. Never make it seem like you are pretending you care so that she will think you do, or so you have something to talk to her about. Say things like, “Sorry, I may have gotten carried away, but I’m sure you don’t care about that so much…” and then move to introducing yourself and talking about other things.

In this way you can talk to girls about things beyond the petty, shallow conversation starters that are often used, while not using some of the deep things to say to girls that might turn her off from you. Hopefully, you can in this way get the best of both worlds – a conversation with a girl that both works to attract her and make her want to continue talking to you, and a conversation that is interesting.

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Figuring out where to make new friends, either in a new city, country, or simply in the same place you’ve lived for a while can be daunting. Forming connections with people can be hard, and turning those connections into long-lasting friendships can be even more difficult.

However, as long as you know how to be a good friend, and have at least a small amount of social skills, you should be able to make new friends wherever you are.

There are two ways to make new friends. The first is to change your living environment by moving, and the second is to change your everyday environment while still living in the same place as before. The first is perhaps more nerve-wracking, but can actually be a much easier situation. I’ll explain.

When you’re wondering where to make new friends after moving to a new place you can at first be overwhelmed simply by trying to figure out your surroundings. This is especially true if you move to a new country where the customs, cultural queues, common forms of entertainment, and even language is different than those you are used to. In this case it is important to familiarize yourself with your new environment to the point you are at least relatively comfortable with how things work.

This is important for two reasons. First, because it will prevent you from being scammed by people taking advantage of the fact that you’re foreign (this, unfortunately, is a common occurrence). Secondly, because it can provide you with opportunities to make friends through asking questions and going to new places. The most important thing to keep in mind is that the process of making new friends in such a situation might be a very long one; do not be disheartened if it’s been a few weeks or even a few months and you don’t have many good friends yet.

You will meet people through work, or through other social circles, and eventually you’ll find those that you connect with. If you are simply moving cities, it is much easier. You should find some good places to meet people, then be open-minded. Many times you can meet people through other people, or through mutual interests, and before you know it you’ll feel like you’ve lived in the new city for years. If, however, you’re wondering where to make new friends but aren’t planning on moving anywhere new, you face a different kind of challenge.

This is a challenge mainly of forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, and to take a good look at yourself and what kind of a person and/or friend you are. It is easy to stay at home by yourself and judge others, but you cannot expect to make new friends by doing so.

Instead, you have to try and put yourself out there in familiar environments, or put yourself in unfamiliar environments such as joining a new group, trying out a new hobby, or even taking advantage of organized events for singles. Furthermore, it can be so easy to blame others for past failed relationships, but this will, once again, not help you make new friends. Instead, you should try as hard as you can to look at yourself and think about how you might change your behavior to make it more likely to form and maintain connections with people. Sometimes, instead of just thinking about where to make new friends, you should consider how you’re goingt o go about doing it.

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If you’ve had one too many lonely nights, if your social life with your friends is not altogether enough or you, and if you’re tired of seeing happy couples all around you at restaurants and on sidewalks, you might be one of many guys that simply want a girlfriend.

Some of these guys have had little to no experience with women, but dream of being in that committed romantic relationship. Some have had more experience with women through short-term relationships, one-night stands, or simple hook-ups at parties or clubs, and are eager for something more meaningful in their romantic lives.

If you’re one of those who want a girlfriend, the main things to keep in mind are to have realistic standards for women, to give yourself as many opportunities as possible to meet women who might be looking for something more than a hook-up, and, once you’ve decided who it is you like, to charm her with a genuine personality, a great sense of humor, and an aura of confidence.

If you want a girlfriend the first thing to do is keep in mind that she will not be perfect (sorry to break the news!) Expecting a woman, any woman, to conform entirely to your view of the ideal girl – from her looks to her personality to her interests, etc – is stupid, and will lead to you simply never having a girlfriend. Instead, set your standards so that the many girls out there who you could have great chemistry with, develop a wonderful relationship with, and be very happy with will be given a chance. If you end up in a great, loving relationships, often her flaws that may have bothered you at first will become endearing, and ultimately might be some of what you love most about her.

The second thing to keep in mind if you really want a girlfriend is to give yourself the opportunities to meet one. If you’re one of those that dreams of having a great relationship like the ones you might watch on television or read about in books, but never actually get off your couch to try and meet a woman, you are going to have problems. Girlfriends rarely – if ever – simply come to you and fall in your lap. You have to work hard at getting to know them and allowing them to be attracted to you.

Finally, you must think about how you will best get them to be attracted to you. The key here is to try and make them laugh as much as possible, try and remember as much as you can about what they say (and bring up as many details as you can about these things, as it will make them feel special and appreciated), and to project confidence. All these things are incredibly attractive to women, and can in most cases overcome any sort of limitations you might fear that you have.

If you truly want a girlfriend, you should be able to get one as long as you follow all the advice given above.

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What attracts girls? The obvious answer is being attractive, or rather, fitting the “type” of man that they happen to be most attracted to. Girls will, therefore, usually decide whether or not they find you attractive or not before even speaking to you. However, this answer is short-sighted and has several exceptions.

Sure, physically characteristics matter, and sure, girls will often give guys who are graced in that department the benefit of the doubt in many other areas, but aside from that, what is perhaps more important is what you can do for their mind. What attracts girls more than anything else is a projection of confidence and charm, and an utter lack of desperation. This is why guys of pretty much any level of physical attractiveness can have great success with women that are, as the saying goes, “way out of their league.”

If this is what attracts girls, how can you best go about trying to do so? The first thing to do is to, as was stated at the beginning of this conversation, make sure you look decent. While every guy has a different style, you should at least make it seem like you made somewhat of an effort to appear well groomed (at the very least, just don’t look like a slob.) Now you can move on to taking advantage of that other part of what attracts girls.

Projecting confidence and not appearing desperate are intimately intertwined. Make sure you have the right attitude regarding women; chiefly, that you gotta strike out sometimes before you get a hit.

Don’t ever put too much effort into pursuing a single woman unless something about her would prevent you from living the rest of your life in peace if you hadn’t. When you approach, don’t be intimidating, and don’t square your whole body towards her, but rather approach casually. When you first talk to her don’t feed her a cheesy pick up line, and don’t make any comment about her clothing, etc, simply introduce yourself and, if you’re at a bar, ask if you can buy her a drink. Make eye contact with her as much as you can (though not too intensely), especially when she is talking to you and you are listening.

The final aspect of what attracts girls is charm. This is achieved, above all, through making her laugh. This is a somewhat acquired skill, and it also takes a fair amount of practice to be able to read a girl’s sense of humor as you start talking to her to gauge what she finds funny or not. Try to practice on girls that are your friends, and simply try, even if this is not your forte, to keep it in the back of your mind that making her laugh will make your job that much easier.

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You’ve all heard it before: “Don’t have sex on the first date!” Man, that’s just wrong… Below are the Top 10 Reasons to Have Sex on the First Date:

10. You’re having a dry spell. If it’s been a really long time since you’ve gotten some, having sex on a first date could change that. Sure it might lead to another dry spell, but long-term planning sucks.

9. Because she’s a feminist/to stick it to the sexists. Let’s be honest, men aren’t going to change and suddenly start turning down opportunities to have sex or become ashamed of getting around too much. So for those that are all for sexual equality… sex on the first date should fit right into their ideology. Who are you to tell any woman she’s a slut for doing it on the first date, while men get props for the same thing?

8. Because you can. Really, is there a better reason out there? (Yes, at least nine.) If she’s willing to do it and you are reasonably attracted to her, go for it, especially if you’ve had a glass of wine or two with dinner. Chances are it’ll be fun.

7. It might be your only chance with this girl. Sometimes women go out on dates for trivial reasons such as not having something better to do on a Friday night, or trying to make their friends jealous by making it seem like they have an active romantic life. She can easily decide she never wants to see you again after your date. If you can get something out of it, go for it.

6. She’s really hot. If you find that you haven’t really paid attention to anything she’s said all night, if all you’ve been able to do is picture her in your bedroom without your clothing on, then you’ve pretty much wasted every other potential joy you might have gotten out of the date save for having sex with her. You have very little to lose here.

5. Because you paid for her dinner. This is especially valid if you took her out to a fancy, expensive restaurant. Sure, you’re technically paying for her meal and dessert, but you and her both know what you’re really paying for…

4. Because you realize you won’t be able to get another date with her solely by your conversation that night, and happen to be extremely good in bed. Sometimes you just need to tell a woman physically what you couldn’t quite get across to her from across a dinner table. Make sure you really are a great lover, however, or this will all but ensure that you’ll never see her again, or at least never see her naked again.

3. You realize you don’t want to have another date with her, but you want to get something good out of the evening. This member of the Top 10 Reasons to Have Sex on the First Date is not for men with an annoyingly large conscience. This can be hurtful to the woman you were out with and make her lose trust in all men moving forward in your life. But if your date has gone terribly and you know you couldn’t see yourself with her in the future, having sex on the first date can be a great way to save your night.

2. You have an immediate and passionate connection with her and feel like you simply cannot wait another night to have sex with her. This is definitely the happiest of the Top 10 Reasons to Have Sex on the First Date and can lead to a long and healthy relationship. If the chemistry is there, don’t suppress it because you think you should. Follow it to the bedroom.

1. You’re trying to get over your ex. This is the best reason to go on a date, period, and also the best reason to have sex on the first date. If you are simply trying to move on from someone in your life who was significant, but are not ready to start another long-term, committed relationship yet, having sex on the first date can be a great help. It might feel weird doing it with someone who is not your ex, but that could also make it a lot of fun.

Thus concludes the top 10 reasons to have sex on the first date. Whatever you do, don’t forget to have a condom on you!

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Learning how to be a bad boy is learning about a certain attitude. This attitude is one of no fear. Knowing how to be a bad boy isn’t about what you do or don’t do, it’s about what you are afraid or not afraid to do. This does not mean being a bad boy is only a good idea for very strong men who know how to fight, etc (though it helps), instead it is only necessary to be willing to endure whatever it takes and hardly blink.

So what does this mean? It’s really a two step process, starting with not letting things bother you, and then doing things and not just sit around. First off, it means that learning how to be a bad boy means learning how to endure pain. This includes physical pain – the most obvious – and also emotional and/or psychological pain, the pain of judgment from peers or bullying, and the pain of being wrong.

The first is not easy to do, but easy to explain; feeling pain can be blocked out if your mental fortitude is strong enough, and even if you do feel it, it is relatively easy not to let that show. This part of learning how to be a bad boy is rather reckless and even stupid; it is not reasonable to have no fear of pain and not mind it. The other aspect of enduring pain can be much, much harder to do. You must let all comments, attempts at bullying, attempts at making you look stupid, etc, slide.

They have to simply not bother you at all. You should get to the point where you actually smile and pity the person trying to bother you for wasting their undeserved oxygen on the thought that you might actually be even a tiny bit moved by whatever comes out of their mouth. Finally, this means dealing with any personal injury, trauma, injuries to loved ones, etc, with a calm and steadfast resolve. Whether or not you deserve what happens to you in your life, bad boys do not let it affect them too long, but must endure with a grim resolve.

This is the first step of learning how to be a bad boy, but up to now it could easily have also doubled as learning how to be a lazy person who doesn’t give a shit about anything in his life. They key difference then, in being a bad ass versus a lazy ass is doing things.

This does not mean being popular and going to popular parties and stupid stuff like that. This means learning how to fix things, knowing how to drive fast, perhaps knowing how to drive a motorcycle, knowing how to fight and, of course, doing drugs. It’s hard to be a clean badass. Doing drugs is part of the image. Just don’t do anything that you won’t be able to control your usage. A broken down drug addict is about as far from a bad boy as you can possibly get.

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Statistics show that cases of domestic violence against men number about half of domestic violence cases. This shocking information calls into question the common association between domestic violence and female victims; they are the gender seen as more vulnerable, the one the requires more attention, and almost by default the one that would be the victim in a domestic violence case.

Genetically, men tend to be stronger, their frame tends to be wider, and they tend to be the gender associated with physical domination over the other (this is traced even to the bedroom, where men are the ones normally thought of as the penetrators and the ones fucking, while women are seen more as the ones being fucked.)

This is, of course, true when we think of tendencies, but what is lost very easily is that many women are stronger than many men and, perhaps more importantly, you don’t even have to be stronger than someone else to physically abuse them.

Domestic violence against men can undoubtedly and absolutely ruin a man’s life, every bit as much (or even more) than it could to a woman. Besides any physical trauma, and mental trauma associated with being a victim of abuse, he can experience an extreme blow to his self-esteem (especially because the gender stereotypes reinforced in society make it even more shameful to be a victim of a woman’s abuse), a loss of hope and happiness about the world, and worsened or even ruined relationships with other family members, friends, etc.

One of the greatest obstacles standing in the way of alleviating the problem posed by domestic violence against men is how that problem is perceived. As alluded to above, the awareness of the problem of domestic violence against men is, proportionally, much lower than the actual damage it causes. Most people simply think of domestic violence as an issue for women.

Furthermore, there is actually a stigma against men who come out as victims of domestic abuse; they tend to be viewed as whiners, criers, and even manipulators who have a lot more power over their own situation than they are letting on (after all, people claim, how can a man let a woman beat him up if he really doesn’t want her to?)

Because of this, the number of reported cases of domestic violence against men is much lower, in proportion to the actual number of cases, than is the case for domestic violence against women. Men are simply afraid or ashamed to admit that they are the victims of such actions; they are either afraid that no one will believe them (and this can be compounded by the fact that many female abusers are extremely good manipulators who can either threaten to deny everything or even threaten to come out as if they are the victims of abuse) and/or afraid that they will be judged negatively by those around them. Furthermore (and related to this), there is very little help given to such victims, and very little action taken to raise awareness of this problem. Domestic violence against men is, simply, not treated with the gravity and importance that it deserves.

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Part of what creates chemistry between two people, certainly, is physical attractiveness. You must be attracted to the way that other person looks to ignite that romantic spark from which chemistry can build upon.

The vast bulk of what creates chemistry between two people has almost nothing to do with the way you look, or even the way you dress.

Instead, it has to do with how you can make the other person feel emotionally, how you are able to project a certain image of yourself onto them, and how you are able to make them feel like you want them, but don’t need them.

I’ll explain.

Attraction to someone else is based on them viewing you as desirable and wanting you, not on them viewing and wanting your looks. Looks get you about as far as an opportunity (which can be important, but surely not all-important). Creating sexual tension and chemistry between you and a girl is, therefore, dependent on how you make her feel about your personality, your persona, and about how she feels around you.

The first aspect of what creates chemistry between two people involves persona, or how you project an image of yourself to another person. If you come across as sleazy or desperate, this is very unattractive and will make her want to get away from you. If you come across as self-conscious and in need of constant validation from her, you will also come off as unattractive, though she might want to remain platonic friends with you.

However, if you come across as confident, self-assured, and charming, the tension between the two of you will immediately start to build. You can do this by carrying yourself in an upright manner, dressing nicely (at the very least nice enough to make it seem like you put some effort into it), by making eye contact with her when you talk to her, and by being bold in your choice of words with her (more on this in a moment.)

What all of this will do is force her to take you seriously as a potential romantic partner. Knowing so little about you, this will help her create an image of you in her head of a man she will want to engage with. It might not always work, but it will always give you the best chance of creating sexual chemistry between you and the girl you are after.

The second major aspect of what creates chemistry between two people has to do with how you make her feel. This has to do with trying to make her aware that you desire her.

To do this – and this also relates to the persona you are trying to create – you must be confident and forward in your interactions with her. Don’t sit there and wait for her to bat her eyelashes or start touching your arm. Don’t be afraid to compliment her directly. Don’t be afraid to hold her gaze while you talk to her. Don’t be afraid, even, to be very firm and direct with your waiter or bartender, etc.

Project confidence.

What you should not be doing is complimenting her and then looking away, or laughing at everything she says in a suck-up type manner. What all of this will do is force her to laugh, to look away, and to decide how to proceed. It will create tension inside of her that she will release in those ways, tension she will surely notice, and associate with the chemistry she is building with you.