Dating Tips

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Love is one of the most powerful forces human beings experience. It can make you do absurd things in its name, it can make you yearn like you’ve never yearned for anything before, and it can make you think that nothing else in the world matters. However, it also has its downfalls, and they are significant.

If you think you want to find love, you just might want to reconsider.

Love fades, inevitably. The passion you had with someone initially will melt away. It can be very easy to forget this when you are not in a relationship and simply want to find love again (or for the first time), but is an unchanging fact. The problem with this is, your passion can only be redirected, at this point, towards other women.

Only the new connection, the promises and hopes you set for yourself, and the intrigue involved in getting to know a different girl romantically and emotionally can replace the intensity that is always lost eventually in love.

Besides the fact that you might tire or become bored with a relationship that lasts a long time, another reason you might not want to find love is the simple fact that the vast majority of romantic relationships eventually come to an end, and most of these end badly. It can be a terrible thing to realize you’re not in love anymore, and either perform actions that force her to break up with you, or decide to split up with her yourself. However, while breaking a heart can be terrible, getting yours broken is infinitely worse.

There is little more emotionally wrecking then being blindsided by a breakup, by seeing your vision of the immediate or indefinite future becoming suddenly and significantly altered, and by facing the prospect of many, many lonely nights ahead.

Being broken up with can affect plans you had with her, it can slap you in the face every Friday and Saturday night (not to mention every Valentine’s day), it can even affect how you watch television sitcoms or movies.

Furthermore, because it is nearly impossible to maintain a steady relationship without causing your friendships to suffer somewhat (you will almost always be faced with a choice between hanging out with them and hanging out with her), you can suddenly be left to face a group of friends that, at best, will understand and not have been happy about it, and at worst might harbor serious resentment towards you.

In short, love, and the moment when you think you want to find love, is a promise, a promise of something that will rarely, if ever, truly be delivered.

Even “happily” married couples are almost always, in a way, settling. Not only are they never able to experience falling in love again, or flirting, or having sex with different people, but there are also almost always other people out there who understand them better and they would have more fun with.

Settling down with one person is very risky, and it usually does not work out. Why not wait until you’re older? Or wait indefinitely? Many people look for love because they think they’re supposed to want it, but this is not a good reason. Make sure, if you want to find love, you know what you’re getting yourself into. If you don’t, you could be in for many nights convincing yourself you’re happy because you’re in love, sometimes unsuccessfully.

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The secret to an awesome, healthy adult relationship is effective communication between the both of you. Deficiencies in honest, open communications between partners are the single biggest reason that so many adult relationships are at least partly shallow and unsatisfying.

Many couples in an adult relationship simply don’t talk effectively about things that are bothering them, about issues they have personally, and about their relationship in general. This leads to a lack of understanding between both participants of the relationship about each other as people, and about the expectations each of them have for themselves and the other person in regard to their relationship.

If you are a member of an adult relationship you should always remember this: Bring things up to her as soon as they come up to avoid harboring undue resentment towards her. If you feel she is keeping something from you, make sure you ask her and push her to talk to you about it; chances are it will come out anyways, and if it’s something that is bothering her and she doesn’t mention it for fear of a fight than she, also, might resent you more because of it only because she has to hold it inside.

Make sure you are both clear about the expectations that each of you have as members of this adult relationship. If the relationship has an expiration date, make sure she is also aware of that. If you do not want to be exclusive yet, tell her why. If you want to take things to the next step with her, ask. Never assume that she is on the same page as you are regarding your relationship – that can lead to misunderstandings where one or both of you get hurt.

Finally, make a concerted effort to talk to her about herself and truly get to know her. The best adult relationships are those in which both people know each other extremely well; in that case there are rarely bad surprises or fights, and both of you know how to help (or when to back away) if something happens.

Furthermore, if you want an adult relationship to last, you must make yourself stand out. Make yourself irreplaceable by knowing her better than anyone else in the world, and taking advantage of that knowledge.

A final note: effective, honest, open, and detailed communication between you and any woman you have a romantic relationship with can both lead to and help maintain a fantastic, healthy sex life with her. The more comfortable you both are talking to each other, and the better you both know each other, the easier it is to tell each other honestly what you like and don’t like, things you might want to try or not be comfortable with, etc.

For women, especially, the quality of their sexual experience is very dependent on being extremely comfortable with and trusting their partner, and when they are happy with you in the bedroom than you hardly ever need to worry about them “being too tired,” or “not feeling like it,” or even getting annoyed when you ask them if they want to do it. Communication might not necessarily be sexy, but it certainly can lead to regularly awesome sex in an adult relationship.

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Meeting new people and establishing connections with them is hard, and the question of where to make new friends is one that is shared by many people who are either moving to a new city (or even a new country), or simply not satisfied with the social life they have in their current living environment.

To a large degree, the specific circumstances surrounding your life will determine the answer to the question of where to make new friends, and how. Each environment is different relative to others, and also over time, as you become more familiar with it.

However, whether you are moving to a new country where you know nobody and nothing of the accepted social customs, for example, or if you are simply trying to find new friends in the same place you’ve always lived, or anything in between, there are certain things that anyone can do to give themselves a better chance of making new friends and become as satisfied as possible with their social life.

The first thing to keep in mind if you are moving to a new city or, especially, to a new country, is to try and get a grasp for the accepted social and cultural norms as quickly as possible. This does not mean you have to become on expert on them – on the contrary, being a bit naïve can actually be endearing sometimes – but it does mean you should figure out what not to do and what offends people as quickly as possible. This is done best simply through observing people around you, and asking people questions at work or wherever you feel most comfortable.

Secondly, whatever setting you are in, it is extremely important to have an open mind when meeting and talking to people, and to not be afraid to put yourself out there. Nothing loses potential friends faster than turning them down once or twice when they suggest hanging out somewhere you don’t really know anything about or are apprehensive about going to.

You want new friends, and to get them you might have to leave your comfort zone for a brief period of time. Finally, you need to look at yourself long and hard and make sure you are doing all you can to be friendly and trustworthy. If you are having trouble making or keeping friends, there is a good chance there are many things you can do to improve the way you act around people. Figuring out what these things are can be the most difficult, yet most important thing to do to improve your social life.

You may have noticed that the specific question of where to make new friends was left basically unanswered. This is because in each setting, the answer is different and because, generally, you can make new friends anywhere.

The key is to put yourself in settings where you can comfortably meet and talk to people (even work or school is totally fine), and then try to get to know them. Eventually, wherever you are, you will find people you have enough in common with and get along with well, and they will become your friends.

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What drives women crazy? Well, for starters, trying to answer this question has driven many men crazy! The answer is so complex, multifaceted, and personalized for each woman that it can truly take years of observation and experiences with women to begin to make headway one it.

Lucky for you, I have those years of observation and experiences, and am prepared to make some generalizations about what drives women crazy, with the qualification that they cannot and should not be applied to everyone, but rather viewed as general tendencies for the female gender.

I’ll start with an easy one: one thing that drives women crazy is being called crazy.

Everyone, men included, wants to be taken seriously, and even if they might be sobbing for no reason, even if their logic behind a decision or statement might seem to you to have taken a spin on a roller coaster in their minds, and even if she doesn’t know exactly what to say to justify something, it all makes sense to her, and to imply that she is crazy will set her off. This can be very frustrating for, uh, pretty much anyone talking to a girl in this state, but you generally have to just humor her rather than trying to call her out for being crazy.

Another member of the “what drives women crazy” exclusive club is, of course, men.

For thousands of years we have belittled them, questioned their value beyond serving as offspring-creators, and made them work much harder than men to be taken seriously. The sexual revolution and the feminist movements, among other things, have leveled the playing field to an astonishing degree, but men have still found a way to drive women insane. They have collectively learned to be experts at manipulating women’s insecurities, and their notorious lack of understanding of the fairer sex can be very frustrating.

However, what drives women crazy above all else is other women.

Sure, other women serve as the majority of their friends, but they are also always to be feared as competition for the attention of men. Jealousy tends to find its way into almost all of the relationships women have with each other. This, in turn, leads to the incredible stress of both having to be nice and maintain their friendships, simultaneously compete to look hotter and more easily gain the attention of men, all the while feeling guilty for being so competitive. As anyone can imagine, this can create an incredibly amount of stress and craziness in their lives that can be quite overwhelming.

To restate what I have already said, none of this was intended to represent all women, simply the tendency of women to behave in certain ways. There are of course, women for whom many different things drive them crazy or, in addition, ones who are rarely, if ever, driven crazy.

Finally, the problem of trying to figure out what drives women crazy is far from a static one, and only immersion into their fascinating worlds can allow you to have a more permanent idea of its answers.

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First dates can be stressful.

It might be easy to run through all the possible negative outcomes of the night in your mind and convince yourself they are likely to happen. However, this will only decrease your chance of being relaxed, confident, and attractive. Thinking positively can help. Because of this, listed below are the Top 10 Reasons to Believe Your First Date Will be a Success

10. You’re drunk. This is the first and perhaps crassest member of the Top 10 Reasons to Believe Your First Date Will be a Success, and is also rather ironic; you will certainly be more likely to believe your first date will go fine if you’re drunk and in a good mood, but it might not actually make it more likely that it will go well. Whatever you do, don’t drink too much.

9. You have really low standards for success. Also a relatively pessimistic view, but hey, if you’re idea of a decent first date is a good dinner and a good story, then you’re almost guaranteed such a decent first date.

8. She works for you. This one is not the most pleasant of reasons, but surely true – unless she cares nothing for her career/livelihood. Do not date someone who works for you if you think your conscience might get the better of you, though. It can be quite a twisted power relationship.

7. You just took a shower and washed your hair with Axe, and all women love Axe right? Maybe not, but it can’t hurt to believe in the ads! Also, going into a first date at peak cleanliness is a must, and it can improve the odds of a pleasant experience.

6. Your other first dates have been successful. History repeats itself, as they say, and if you’ve had good experiences with first dates in the past, chances are you’re in for a pretty good night.

5. You’re out of her league. You might just be going on this because you’re out of practice. This can still be fun, and if you’re well out of her league you have every reason to believe this date is going to go well.

4. The place is guaranteed to knock her socks off. Sometimes, having beautiful or extravagant date plans can distract her from your nervousness about first dates. This can be an effective way to have a great first date without having so much pressure put squarely on your shoulders.

3. You already know her really well, and get along with her wonderfully. Not all first dates are between people who don’t know each other well, and if you do know her well enough it can be a very reassuring notion. While it might be strange to relate to someone in a romantic context that you have only known in a platonic one, you will still have developed a certain level of comfort around her, and you should have a good time with her.

2. You look good. Sometimes, that is all it takes to gain the confidence to charm her and to know she’ll give you all the benefit of the doubt you’ll need. Just try to act composed and maintain your attractive persona to go along with your looks.

1. You’re fucking awesome with women. Let’s face it, there is no better reason to believe your first date will go well. If you know that you’re great with women, and this one already agreed to go out with you, you’ve pretty much got it in the bag.

Thus concludes the Top 10 Reasons to Believe Your First Date Will be a Success. There are many more, but these should suffice to serve as positive inspiration.

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It might still be weeks or even months away, but still the day is approaching. You can’t avoid it, and you know you can’t forget about it. This day, well…

It’s your girlfriend’s birthday.

“What can I get my girlfriend on her birthday?” is one question that has stressed out many a well-intentioned boyfriend.

You have to figure out what gift would be appropriate for the stage that your relationship with her is in. You have to figure out what you should get her that isn’t too cheap, but isn’t out of your price range. And of course, you have to figure out something to get her that she likes, and won’t either return to the store you bought it from or say, “Oh, that’s nice,” or some other horrible version of shooting down your gift.

Sometimes the easiest way to answer the question “What can I get my girlfriend on her birthday?” is to think first of what not to get her.

The most obvious category of things to avoid as gifts are things you either know she doesn’t like, or, less obviously, things you don’t know she does like, and have reason to believe she might not. Taking risks can be a very rewarding decision in many aspects of life, but when it comes to buying your girlfriend a gift it’s often a very bad idea.

Don’t get her something that you could easily see her not liking.

Another thing to avoid is buying her something that makes it seem like you were just desperately trying to get her something. Your girlfriend will want to think (well, really, to know) that you put some thought and effort into her gift. She will want to know that you thought about it for a while, and did not take her special day for granted. Even if you really don’t know what to get her and her birthday is only days away, get something that makes it seem like you put some thought into it.

So what is something good to get your girlfriend on her birthday? What should you get her?

The best gifts, in all cases, are those that come directly from things she has told you she likes (especially if she will be surprised and impressed that you remember her saying this.) The one qualifying remark is that if it is an article of clothing, you must make sure you know her size, so as not to buy her something that does not fit (this is very bad; she will either be reminded that she is not skinny enough to fit into something, or be offended that you think she will fit into something that is too big for her.)

Anything she offhandedly mentioned needing or wanting, for her person, her home, her job, etc, is always a great idea (the worst thing that can happen in this case is that she gets it for herself also, but she will still be happy with the fact that you thought of it on your own and wanted to surprise her.)

If, however, you can’t think of anything she has told you she liked to get her, you will have to get a bit more creative. Try and ask her friends or family members and see if they have ideas. If not, than base your gift off of everything that you know about her and her likes/dislikes. If you know her well and you think hard enough, you will be able to come up with something she will appreciate.

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We all know that women tend to be attracted by deep, penetrating eyes and an easy smile, by a chiseled abdomen and large biceps, and by a well-groomed appearance and sense of style. We all know, too, that women are attracted by confidence, and by a great sense of humor. All of this has a great amount of truth to it, but what attracts women more than anything else is attention from other women.

That’s right.

If a woman sees other women with you, giving you attention, but still views you as available, this will be more likely to attract her than anything that you could ever do personally, either to yourself or in relation to her.

This is a rarely known fact about what attracts women.

Why is this? For one thing, women are jealous creatures (men are too, by the way, but less so between themselves and more simply when it has to do with their own girlfriend, or a girl they really like.)

If a woman sees a man getting attention from other women she will often think one of two things: either that the women hitting on him are more attractive than her – which would give her the desire to try and take him away to increase her self-esteem – or that the women hitting on him are less attractive than her – which would give her the desire to go take what she can easily get.

Either way, when girls compete over you through jealousy, you win!

The second part of what attracts women through being with other women is that these women you are with will validate you, in a large sense, to a woman who sees you. She may not know you at all, or even know a single thing about you, but she already knows there is something about you that makes you desirable to women. This alone will intrigue her, and make her want to come over and talk to you. Furthermore, it will lead to her giving you a greater benefit of the doubt when you talk to her, because she might think it is worth it to give you a real chance with her.

When it comes to attracting women through association with other women, your relationship with these other women barely matters. They can be colleagues, friends, or even girls you are or have been hooking up with. As long as they would not feel threatened if you were hit on by another girl, then they will be extremely useful in attracting them.

In many cases, they can actually help you out immensely. You can have them talk you up to a girl you like and make a good impression for you, you can have them set you up with one of their friends that they know might be interested, and you can even have them point out girls at a bar they think you should go for. In addition to attracting other women it can simply be fun to use them as wingmen, and might serve as a refreshing change from the mostly awkward attempts at helping you out that many men end up making.

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Finding cute things to say to girls can be fun, and in some cases it might be enough to make a girl laugh or smile once in a while. However, most of the cute things guys say to girls are far from the most significant reasons they can or cannot actually attract such girls.

Men attract women by projecting confidence and creating sexual tension, or chemistry, between them and the woman they are after. Making a girl laugh is always great, but it should not be the sole goal of the things you say to her or the way you relate to her. You should instead focus on making her feel desired while also making her feel like you should be desired – to the point where she might actually have to work a little bit to get you. Achieving this is much more likely to attract women than any of the cute things guys say to girls to try and make them giggle.

How do you go about projecting confidence, creating tension, and making her work a little? It starts by how you present yourself to her. Part of this is your appearance, but the main point to keep in mind is simply to appear like you put some sort of an effort into it. Anything beyond that is a matter of taste. More important, however, is your body language. You should try and hold yourself upright, and not fidget nervously.

When she is talking to you, you should always maintain eye contact with her and make her look away to break the tension, if it needs to be broken.

You should be giving off the appearance that you know you are worth a lot in such a context, and that you would know exactly what to do with her – in any setting. She should have no doubt in her mind about your self-confidence.

Finally, you should not only project that you know you are worth a lot and know you could get another woman if you wanted to, but also that you chose her specifically to talk to. She should, ideally, feel rather honored, or at the very least special, because of this.

To do this, be very forward with your intentions with her.

This does not mean being desperate or creepy and telling a girl she’s “lookin’ fine!” or that “you want to see her out of that dress,” etc. That will surely lead to a rejection and a slap in the face. Instead, you should be complimenting her very openly. Tell her she has a beautiful smile, or that she carries herself like she owns the place. Tell her something about her caught your eye from the corner of the room and made you want to come over and talk to her.

Imply that you want to see her out of her dress, and that you think she looks fine, but never state it. Let her make that connection in her mind, and let her force a laugh to break the tension of your bold statements. If you are able to approach a girl, it will give you a much better chance of getting with her than any cute things guys say to girls, no matter the situation.

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Sometimes, knowing what not to do or say in a situation can be as or even more important than actually knowing what how you should act or speak in the same context. With this in mind, here are listed 10 Things Not to Say to a Girl, unless you want her to hate you, slap you, walk away from you, or, of course, all of the above.

10. “That’s all you’re eating?” Sometimes it can be amazing to watch a girl at lunch or dinner eat nothing but a small salad or a half a piece of bread and an apple, etc. One sometimes wonders how they even survive eating like this. But they do it for a reason – they are self-conscious about their weight (this theme might come up repeatedly in this list!) – and they do not want to have this come up in discussion.

9. “You’re dating that guy??” For many girls their boyfriends are not only men who can keep them happy and make them feel loved and appreciated, they are also ameans to achieve a higher social status. Questioning such status regarding their boyfriends is best avoided.

8. “Yeah, how about later, I’m in the middle of a videogame…” Girls tend to hate video games, and guys who choose to play them over spending time with them are incredibly annoying.

7. “Who’s your friend?” Unless this girl has a boyfriend, asking her about her friend is, in addition to acknowledging you think her friend is attractive, also an acknowledgment that you think her friend is more attractive than she. This tends to be a sad thought for them.

6. “Man, you’re not the best driver are you…” This obviously bothers some women much more than others. For some, who are either feminist or simply defensive, the implication that they are bad drivers is inevitably linked in their mind with the thought that women are bad drivers. They hate this stereotype.

5. “Damn, leave some for someone else!” Ever tried sharing chocolate or ice cream with a girl? Quickly noticed that there isn’t much sharing going on from her end? This is a fairly typical occurrence, but pointing it out tends to imply that she is a glutton, which is of course not a great thing to imply.

4. “Want to suck my dick?” Now, don’t get me wrong, this can be a great thing to imply – in the right circumstance. However, if she doesn’t really like you this can be a one of the douchiest things you can say, and even if she does, there are much better ways to ask for oral sex that do not make her feel like she is being used, or like she is a whore.

3. “You’re a fat slut.” If nothing else, try to be more creative! This is essentially a mix of the two things girls hate being called – fat/ugly, or slutty/whorish – wrapped up into one asshole comment. Only use if you already hate a girl and don’t care at all if she ever respects you again.

2. “Is it that time of the month or something?” Boy, do girls hate being asked this. The implication that the reason they are crying or being crazy is due to feminine hormones, and not the “perfectly logical” reasoning they have given you for their emotional state, can drive them insane.

1. “When’s the baby due?” (When the baby is not due, of course). There is simply nothing worse you can say to a woman than calling her pregnant when she is not. There is no way to recover. You can either apologize and run away, or just run away.

Thus concludes the list of 10 Things Not to Say to a Girl. There are, of course, many more!

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We all know men can be fairly intimidated by attractive women. Catching a glimpse of a confident, seductive, sexy, beautiful woman, catching her eye, seeing her walk in your direction, etc, can easily cause you or any man to get nervous and afraid.

However, as true as this is, what is less commonly known is that attractive men also have the same intimidating effect on women, and perhaps even to a degree greater than attractive women intimidating men.

Women tend to spend much more time thinking and worrying about their appearance then men do. There are, of course, many exceptions, but the time women spend preparing their outfits, their hair, their makeup, etc, and the time they spend thinking about how they look when they are out in public is generally much greater than the time men spend on the same things (presumably minus the time spent on makeup…)

Furthermore, the self-esteem of women tends to be tied slightly more to their physical appearance then that of men, hence why it is fairly typical to hear a women say she was “in a good mood because I had a good hair day,” or that she “felt great at the party because I looked smokin’ in that dress,” etc, whereas men saying similar things might seem strange.

Because of this, while men might view an attractive woman as intimidating, they probably don’t make as big a deal out of her incredible physical beauty as women might with men, because they themselves don’t put as much stock in their own.

Women tend to think that because they would think so highly of themselves if they were extremely gorgeous, a very attractive man must as well. This can make them intimidated, perhaps thinking that he “must have a girlfriend already,” or simply that he wouldn’t want to hook up with them.

This is, generally, wrong.

Just as attractive women are simply people – albeit those who tend to have higher standards – who want to be loved and appreciated, attractive men are certainly not unattainable by even average looking women. If women are intimidated by them, for the most part, it is for very little real reason.

However, if you are an attractive man, your opportunities to get with women are incredibly plentiful. When you approach a woman, she will feel incredibly good about herself. That someone of your high level of attractiveness picked her to approach and talk to, she must be very attractive herself. Furthermore, it will usually be only the most beautiful and confident women that will approach you, because they are the ones that believe they have a shot.

However, great beauty can come with a price. If you are incredibly attractive as a man, it will always be difficult for you to know when women like you for who you are, or whether they just view you as attractive and want to hook up with you and/or make their friends jealous by being with you. This isn’t a problem when attracting or sleeping with women, but can be very frustrating if you are looking for intimate, long-lasting relationships.

 

Have you been told your looks intimidate, or maybe you aren’t good looking enough? Share your story in a comment below and I’ll respond personally.