Are you unsure whether to contact your ex-boyfriend or not?
I wish I could tell you that this question has an easy answer, but it doesn’t. Depending on what happened while you were dating, there are different rules that you need to apply when deciding whether to contact your ex.
Every situation is different, so it’s important that you analyze what happened during the relationship, why it ended, and how the breakup happened. Are you ready? If so, here are three important questions to consider:
- Was he a loser?
- Was he OK, but not great??
- Was he awesome?
Don't contact him until you have asked yourself some important questions.
Question #1: Was he a loser?
When we miss someone, all we tend to remember are the good times. But if you are seriously considering making contact with your ex-boyfriend, then you need to put your feelings aside and get an objective perspective on how things really were between the two of you.
- Did your ex have issues or problems that controlled or distracted him?
- Did he mistreat you?
- Was he going absolutely nowhere in his life?
- Was he even good for you?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then move on and save yourself any more pain. No matter how tempted you are, don’t contact him ever again.
We all make bad decisions sooner or later. All of us have dated the wrong person at one time or another. We have all made mistakes. But mistakes are for learning, not repeating. If your ex-boyfriend was a loser and you contact him again, then you are only going to cause yourself more grief in the end. Move on, and move on quickly. Don’t waste any more energy thinking about him. And if he contacts you, ignore his smooth talk.
Sometimes the worst guys are the ones that women want to hold on to. Most girls have been with people who held them back and pushed them around. Don’t let these experiences permanently scar your heart. You may feel vulnerable, lonely, or insecure, but don’t go down that road with him again. This is especially important if he is an addict, alcoholic, cheater, abuser, or has emotional issues.
You are better off without a man like this in your life.
Question #2: Was he OK, but not great?
This is often the hardest situation to resolve. If your ex-boyfriend is a decent guy, then it probably won’t be obvious whether you should stay away or reach out to him. Consider the following:
- Did you and your ex enjoy an intense chemistry?
- Were things exciting or spectacular between the two of you?
- Did fireworks go off when you were in each others’ presence?
If so, then it is probably a good idea to contact your ex-boyfriend and consider getting back together. But if you answered no to those questions, then I would encourage you to pursue guys who you have more chemistry with.
Try dating someone who excites you and with whom you share a spark. But don’t take this to the extreme! Avoid dating guys who live on the edge. You know what I’m talking about! These guys always lead to volatile relationships, and you don’t need a man who has that negative effect.
There is one situation where it can be worth contacting an ex-boyfriend who is decent but not great. If you feel that there is something special about him, then maybe he is worth investing in. For example, could he learn how to turn you on and increase the chemistry between the two of you? If so, then consider getting in touch with him.
Question #3: Was he awesome?
It is possible to break up with someone who is fantastic due to no fault of their own. For example, sometimes people who are great together will agree to part ways because of the difficulty of staying in a long distant relationship.
If your ex-boyfriend is an awesome guy, but something happened which drove the two of you apart, then this situation has merit and I would suggest contacting him. But before you do that, you both need time to heal.
Taking time to heal will also give you an opportunity to think about how you can improve yourself and your relationships. When you feel ready, reach out and make that connection. Give him a call and see what he is up to. Suggest that the two of you meet for coffee to catch up.
I trust these three questions will help you make the right decision. Here’s one last word of advice: temptations are exciting, but reality often is not. So think long and hard before deciding what action to take. Making the right decision can save you a lot of grief in the long run.
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