We wrote a list of tips to help out everyone who’s looking for some dating advice
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. And what better way to prepare a nervous guy for a date than to have a nice, relaxing massage? (I'm serious!)
Tip #1 – Know your goal and plan ahead.
If you’ve got a clear idea in your head of what you want to happen at the end of the night, then you can work backwards in steps from that end result when you’re setting up the date. And definitely have a date plan. Planning is crucial here, because it provides structure and removes a lot of that uncertainty and anxiety you might otherwise have. You won’t have to keep wondering, ”What’s next,” anymore.
This needs to be a plan that you’ve really put some forethought into. When working from the end, you want to have clear-cut sequential steps that will allow for logistical escalation, that is to say moving the girl through the environment throughout the date so as to create the feeling that you’ve been together for a long time.
Changing environments definitely has the psychological effect of making you feel as though you’ve spent more time together than you actually have. Not to mention that a guy working backwards on a date is going to be much more effective at leading because he knows exactly where he’s headed to and how he’s going to get there.
I like to visualize each part of the date in my mind, so that I can become more confident with the date plan, but just writing it out can be helpful too. As you get more experienced, you can change the date plan, add to it, take away what doesn’t work, etc., until eventually you come up with an awesome and near-flawless dating strategy.
Tip #2 – Dating is supposed to be fun!
By far the most important frame of mind to have when on a date is that dating is supposed to be fun! I know that when I first started dating, I found dates to be incredibly stressful. I didn’t enjoy them at all. They were almost like a means to an end and when you have that mindset, essentially what happens is that the girl picks up on that through the body language that you exhibit.
I’ve gotten to a point now where I can actually really enjoy the process of going out on a date, which sure as hell reduces the stress factor.
I guess the difference for me occurred when I changed my thinking from, “I hope this works, I hope that this girls really likes me,” to a new paradigm of thinking: “This is an opportunity for both me and her to decide whether we like each other, and then we can determine whether we want to move forward from there.”
I’m highly open to the possibility that I’ll go on a date with a girl and it won’t be what I thought it was, and maybe I won’t be interested in seeing her again. That’s a real possibility. It’s also a high possibility that I go on a date with a girl and I really enjoy it. I no longer consider it a win or a loss regardless of what happens because it’s not about the result anymore, it’s about the process of just kicking back and having fun.
Tip #3 – It’s all about investment.
The third concept you want to focus on when dating is the idea of investment. In the dating world, investment has a slightly different meaning. Here, it mostly means emotional investment, although money plays a part too.
For the longest time, the dating paradigm was that the guy would come pick the girl up, pay for everything, give her a great night out, and then drop her home at the end of the night. This was everywhere. In books, in TV shows, in movies. Somehow this was portrayed as a deeply romantic gesture.
The problem with this was that the investment was all one-sided. It set up this framework in which the guy is working hard to impress the girl so that she will give up sexual pleasure, and when you set that framework from the start of the relationship, your relationship is basically doomed. You are going to fail. There are no two ways about it.
I mean, think about it, you’re basically treating the woman as a prostitute. You’re paying her for sex, just indirectly. How is that going to be the foundation for a healthy relationship?
So you definitely want to to setup a framework in which the two of you are both investing. It doesn’t matter what form it takes, whether that’s getting her to come and pick you up, asking her to suggest where you guys go on a date, or splitting the bill.
Any way you can find that will get her to invest in the date will hugely improve your chances of success, and will actually make for a far more enjoyable date. It even improves your chances of moving things towards sex, and there’s no doubt that your chances of seeing her again will be significantly improved too.
This is not the kind of advice you’re going to get from most people, who frankly don’t know much about dating or relationships. If they did, why would the divorce rate be so high?
So go straight to the source of this advice, remove the fog limiting your ability to perceive relationships for what they really are, and learn to understand women better than they can understand themselves: open Pandora’s Box!
