So many people give advice about being focused on the end results of a date and to be goal oriented. What can be problematic about this approach?
The biggest problem with this approach is that it does not consider the factors that you are not in control of.
There are so many events that might happen or things that the girl might do, which have no relationship to how well your game is going. You just cannot prepare for every little thing that can happen. It is hard to determine success outside of things that are out of your control, so why would you give yourself harsh criticism, if it wasn’t your fault.
Most guys need to take it a little easier on themselves.
It is good is to have an outcome in mind. There is no doubt about it. It is good to have a focus and intention about what you would like to happen ideally. You want to go after her with intensity, passion, and confidence. But in the beginning you also want to get yourself into as many experiences and into as many situations that allows you to practice pushing through your comfort zone every time you head out to apply your game.
Focus more on the actions you will take in each date and less on whether or not it worked.
Also, you want to approach each step as you are dating with care. Don’t try to go after things that you aren’t ready for. If you are focused on having sex with a woman on a date, but you struggle even going for a kiss, then you ought to work on going for the kiss. Kicking yourself about the fact that you cannot move things to sex is probably not a great way to train yourself to learn from experience. You gotta go easy on yourself and think about your progress on a long term scale. If you keep beating yourself up and aren’t feeling successful, then you are going to quit.
Focus on taking actions and pumping yourself up, so you can keep feeling good about your progress in the meanwhile.
If going for the kiss is a problem, then that is probably what you want to work on. You want to set yourself the intention with each date to progress things a little bit further than the last experience that you had. Take each goal one step at a time and work on getting better at it. So, get really comfortable with kissing and move forward from there until you can continue this progression all the way until you have sex.
Does this mean that once you kissed the girl on a date that you should not try to move forward for sex? Absolutely not, but what it does mean is that sex should be your outcome of kissing her, then progressing as you become more comfortable with pushing past your self-imposed limits.
What are things that guys often do wrong, when they start to try to do something like this?
The biggest mistake I see is guys who have very high expectations or set up unrealistic goals, then they quit. For instance they might set a goal of going for a kiss, then when they go for it and the girl turns around or turns away, they look at it as a failure. This is the wrong way to look at it. The reason they are looking at it as a failure is that they are misinterpreting what they set up to do.
They really did not set out to go for a kiss. What they set out for was to go for a kiss and get a good response from the girl. The part where there is a good response from the girl is the part of the equation that is not within their control. You can’t control what she will do and in some cases, it has nothing to do with your actions.
Now, if they just settle on the intention to go for the kiss and do it… then no matter what happened they know that they went for it. This is an action that should be celebrated! Then they would be able to see that they actually are getting success and that success would perpetuate for the future. The more you can create an image of yourself as someone who is successful at whatever he tries, the easier it is for you to be successful.
You have to be very careful with how you treat yourself during your earlier stages of dating.
Take everything slowly and give yourself lots of rewards, when you take action, even if the girl doesn’t respond. Build up more success in your head and this will make it easier for you to keep progressing forward and making breakthroughs.
The guys who focus on taking small steps every day will always do better than the guys who go all-in and get frustrated, when things do work out for them right away. I’m advocating a whole lifestyle change and this doesn’t happen in a day.
The great thing though is that once you have built up a habit of taking action, then you are going to feel much different quickly. Once you see some progress, you are going to feel like a new man. These are the best dating tips you can get, so go take some action in your dating life today.
Do you have questions about dating? Ask them below in the comments. I answer each one personally.
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