You’ve probably stumbled upon this article because you’re not a very social person, and you want a little help dealing with your social phobia.
First up I want to mention that this article is not medical or psychological advice. A ton of guys that seek dating advice actually suffer from anxiety, many without even realizing it. The best thing you can do is find a local anxiety treatment center, like this one, and get checked out. If you have tried to get good with women for some time, and not got results, more could be going on than you realize.
Personally I’m not afraid to get help if I need it. Not sure? Check out this anxiety checklist. The reason I mention is this is because this article is designed for guys with very mild symptoms. So many times I see guys looking for dating advice but unfortunately needing much more comprehensive treatment. Don’t make the same mistake and stuck your head in the sand.
Maybe you’re introverted, or shy, and you’re quite happy being in your own company; but you’ve realized that those aren’t qualities that will get you laid. Luckily for you, becoming more social is just a matter of learning a skill. The more experienced you become, the better you’ll be at socializing – even with complete strangers!
So with that in mind, there are four components to becoming more sociable that I want you to focus on:
Component No. 1 – Finding the right environment for you.
Sometimes what holds a guy back is that he just doesn’t feel comfortable in a particular environment. Certainly in my case, I simply didn’t like my environment – it just didn’t fit.
I grew up in a smaller town, and I found that I simply didn’t resonate well with the type of people there, or the social events they would attend. For me, the solution was simple: moving.
So when I moved to a bigger city, I recognized that there was a vast landscape of different activities, personality types, etc., and some of them appealed to me far more. While before I thought that I was socially inept, when in the right environment I began to socialize naturally; I started to like the people that I was socializing with.
I’m sure if you think back, you’ll find some groups of friends that you could socialize completely normally with. This is because they were within your comfort zone. Now while this doesn’t directly help you meet new women, it does prove that under the right circumstances, you’re entirely capable of socializing!
The next obvious step is expand your comfort zone, which really just takes experience and repetition of social interactions.
Component No. 2 – Learn to better express yourself.
I think a big part of expression is knowing what you like, and who you are. The process of going through some self-evaluation and self-exploration type of exercises can be really beneficial, because when people are comfortable with whom they are, they’re going to feel far more comfortable putting themselves out there.
Component No. 3 – Build a close inner circle.
I find that when I have three of four people who I feel completely comfortable being myself with, that puts me in a very social mood. It allows me to build a confident mindset that will allow me to go out and approach other people. It’s definitely easier to go from socializing with friends to meeting strangers, than it is to go from sitting alone at home to meeting strangers.
Still, until I had stretched out my comfort zone more through experience, if you were to take me out of that environment and put me with people I didn’t know so well, I would just tend to go back into my shell a little bit. Getting a close group of friends that you feel comfortable with, and that shares a common interest with you is really important.
Component No. 4 – Find things that prompt your stay.
Have you ever experienced listening to a song during some kind of event, and then every subsequent time you listen to that song it elicits a particular emotion, or reminds you of that event?
That is an example of a trigger that we can use to help recreate that state. For some people, alcohol is a trigger. For some people it can be a particular way they dress. Recognizing what your triggers are will allow you to take advantage of them.
And if you don’t have any particularly positive triggers, you can always create triggers. For example, every time you approach a stranger and strike up a conversation, say a couple of words (quietly to yourself), or make a particular hand motion. After a while, even if you don’t feel like you’re in the mood for approaching strangers, performing that trigger will elicit the same adventurous emotional state you were in before!
I feel that a large part of socialization is being able to hold a good conversation, even with a complete stranger. Once we’re happy walking up to anyone, striking up a conversation, and keeping that going for several minutes, our confidence gets a huge boost.
Conversation Cure does more than just address techniques for maintaining a conversation. It also provides you with time-tested pickup lines, flirting techniques, and numerous methods for dealing with social anxiety.