Should I be more direct when I’m dating?
I have seen frequently mentioned these ideas of being direct and bold in our approach to women. Can you please expand on that and explain why it is so beneficial?
Tony, – New Zealand
Well Tony, being direct is essentially being okay with the idea that you are physically attracted to women.
It’s just going up and approaching her without feeling like you need to make an excuse as to why you have approached her. Sometimes people look at direct dating and they say “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’m not sure that I can really act like that.”
I realize that at least at first it’s a little scary. The reality however is that at some point in the interaction, you are going to have to face your fear of escalating on a girl, and you’re going to have to let her know that you like her; because if you don’t, you’re going to simply float down to the friend zone, which to me is a far scarier proposition to deal with.
The other reason that guys don’t like this approach is they feel that by being too direct with the girl – she will have to have to make a choice as to whether she wants to continue the interaction with him or not.
Basically, she might reject him.
Now of course, this is true. However, this also true for guys that come in with the indirect approach.
There’s no such thing as avoiding rejection.
So if you come at her indirectly, you try to fly under the radar, and the girl gets a sense that you are not a good fit for her, she is still going to reject you. It’s just that she will do it in a gentler way. But the feeling and the experience for you is exactly the same.
Only for me, when I was indirect, the feeling was actually compounded by the fact that I felt like I wasn’t being true to myself. So not only was I being rejected, but I was essentially rejecting myself at the same time by saying, “What I have isn’t good enough for women“, and therefore I need to try and find a way to sneak around their defenses, in order for them to let me in.”
Isn’t that indirect dating just a terrible mindset to be in?
Besides, if she’s going to reject you one way or the other, better she do it sooner rather than later and save everyone a lot of time and effort.
Now the next question of course is: how can I be more direct in my dating?
I think it can be a good start, particularly if we are looking at day game, or meeting girls in a college or similar environment, to go in direct straight from the opener.
The key is that when you go direct off of the opener, you need to then be apt at keeping the attraction moving forward. Because if you go direct but you don’t then have the ability to take it anywhere, the interaction is going to go stale really quickly.
Thus, developing good conversational skills, the ability to talk in statements, being observant, and getting into a flow of asking her the right types of questions after you approach her directly are all going to be equally as important as the opener itself.
So yes, direct dating can be an awesomely beneficial tool to any guy out there, but there are also certain challenges that will require practice to iron out.
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