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I hate admitting this but I’m afraid to even get out there because I always hear girls say “You’re such a nice guy” and I heard guys say that “Nice guys finish last…” so what do I do? Should I try to change before attempting to attract a girl? A lot of guys think that they might have more success if only they were to substitute being nice to women with a really jerky and arrogant behavior. Is this a good idea?
I think there’s nothing wrong with being nice. Being a nice person is really the way to go in life. You get more out of life by being nicer to people. You get better karma, people are nicer to you too, and people are often willing to go out of their way to help you.
Having said that, where nice doesn’t work is when it comes to getting a girl to like you. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Do girls like nice guys?” then the answer, I’m afraid to say, is no. The problem is that when you’re being overly nice to win a girl’s affection, she’s just going to smell neediness instead.
So distinguish between being nice, and being a doormat. By infusing your personality with greater confidence, you can continue to be nice to people, but also have greater success with women.
Now look, I’m not telling you to renounce your nice guy ways and declare “No more nice guy!” I’m just telling you to show her that you’re a man who’s not willing to put her on a pedestal. And while you’re a man who can be nice to her, you’re also a sexual being and not scared to demonstrate your feelings and sexual desires for her. Combine that with a genuine respect and kind attitude towards her, and you’ll have a very strong recipe for success.
Let’s say you’ve gotten to know a girl. If you’ve already fallen into that trap of being a nice guy and that’s what she’s come expect, are there ways to break out of that perception? Could you start being a little less timid, or do something to show her that you’re not going to act that way forever?
First of all, start by being a man, getting some balls, and actually showing her that you’ve changed. Just express to her your interest, and take lead as a confident guy who feels something for her and isn’t afraid to show it. Start taking risks and stop playing it safe all the time, because I think the biggest trapping of being the nice guy is that at heart, it is a very safe route to travel.
It’s the delusion that, “What I’ll do is be nice, and eventually she’s going to fall in love with me.” It never works out that way. You’ve got to go out there, put your balls on the line, and really show her how you feel about her.
Like you said, being nice to women does obviously have some advantages. So in that sense, what are some of the nice things that you shouldn’t get rid of?
I think that just being respectful, helpful, and caring about the way she feels is a good start. Try not doing anything that’s going to make her feel uncomfortable. Just be nice in the same way that you’re nice to your friends, co-workers, and family. The idea is to not confuse being nice with being shy. You can maintain your kindness but still be confident and forward with how you feel about her.
You always hear the term chivalry used synonymously with kindness in a relationship. Is the idea of treating a woman like a princess just making things worse?
While there’s nothing wrong with chivalry per se; treating her like a princess and putting her up on a pedestal is a terrible idea. You’re basically telling her that she’s a higher person than you are, and that you’re going to worship and kiss her feet. That’s not cool. She’s just a chick, a girl; and you’re a great person yourself. You’re on an equal playing field, so don’t you ever forget that.
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