Are you scared of commitment?
I can definitely talk a lot about this one.
Being scared of commitment is the one thing that stops men from wanting to get into a relationship.
The problem here is the way guys frame commitment though. Within a relationship, commitment doesn’t have to be forever, and certainly there are particular relationships that I know that I’ve been in where I’ve recognised that maybe this girl wasn’t the right girl for me forever, but it didn’t mean that she wasn’t the right girl for me for that period of my life, and that period of my personal development.
Are you scared?
One of the very common things that I see when guys start to focus on improving their dating lives, meeting more women, having more sexual partners, etc., is that they get to that point where there’s a sort of conflict because while they really like a girl, and want to be able to commit more to her, they’re scared to commit to her because that’s going to close the door to other opportunities.
How do you want to live your life?
It could be opportunities to meet other women, to work on their dating lives, or to improve their personal development experience. What I say to those guys is, firstly, each guy has to make their own decision with how they’re going to live their lives. If a dating coach was to sit there and say get into a relationship, or don’t get into a relationship, I think he’s really overstepping the boundary of what the coach-client relationship should be about.
The ultimate decision must lie with you.
Relationships don’t need to be forever.
The first thing I would say is if you are interested in at least exploring the relationship, understand that it doesn’t have to be forever. It can almost be a ‘try it on and see’ experience, and that goes for the girl as well. She has to have the same freedom to be able to do that. So if you get into a relationship and it doesn’t work, then you simply both acknowledge that and just move on. At the very least you’ve given it a shot and can sleep soundly, knowing you’ve tried it.
Sometimes, from my own personal experience, I’ve given it a shot, it hasn’t worked but I’ve actually been able to come back to that relationship later on down the road and for whatever reason the timing and the way that we connect seems to have been a better fit.
Live your life.
The second thing I would suggest is to encourage guys to follow their chosen path with their heart. A lot of guys try to come up with an intellectual understanding of whether they should get into a relationship or not, and from my experience the minute you start following your head and you stop following your heart, your decisions are generally going to be ones you’ll regret later on down the road.
Just ask yourself this question, “does this path have a heart?” “Does it feel right to me?” And if it does, be willing to explore that and know that you’re making a commitment for the time being, and over time if it’s going to work out, it’ll work out. Sometimes you have to just go with your gut feeling with these things.
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What is your opinion about commitment? Does thinking about it leave you with anxiety?