Getting stuck in the friend zone sucks, and who hasn’t been friends with a girl they wish they could take things further with?
If you picture getting towards a relationship like walking over a narrow bridge, then on either side there’s a great chasm into which you might fall if you don’t pay attention – and that’s the friend zone. It’s much easier to avoid being put in the friend zone in the first place, than trying to climb back to that bridge. But even if you’re already stuck there, this friend zone guide will still help!
It’s normal, okay?
First of all, understand that falling into the friend zone is quite normal. This happens to many guys. At the beginning, when I just started getting into dating and meeting women, this happened to me all the time.
You meet a girl, you start being friends, and everything is going well. As you begin to develop feelings for her, you start hanging out more, and you enjoy spending time with each other.
Since everything’s going great, you finally drum up the courage to make your move…
But that’s when you receive the blow. She might even use a clichéd line like, “I just want to be friends.” Maybe she’ll be less direct, but through her actions will obviously be putting you into this framework where you’re just friends.
How to avoid the trap
It’s important to start paying attention from day one to ensure you stay out of this zone. There are many things you can do.
- Escalate quickly!
It is really difficult to understate the importance of this. Escalation is how you set yourself aside from all the other guys who are going to be too nervous and anxious to make a move. You should be aiming to make a smooth progression from talking, to touching, to kissing.
Escalation isn’t just physical, it can also be the language you use. Talking about how someone’s day was, or the weather, is great as small talk, but it won’t get you where you want to be. At best, consider it as a stepping stone. As soon as possible, get into the habit of dropping sexual innuendos into the conversation and creating sexual tension as soon as possible. Check out those two links if you want to get into more detail on various escalation techniques.
- Meet more women
Now I’m not telling you to abandon the girl of your dreams and start seeing other people, but it’s simply female psychology to want you more when they see you around other women. The more women that you meet and have in your social circle, the better your chance of escaping the friend zone with the girl you’re actually interested in. This is because the more women you meet the more jealous she gets.
This is simply an evolutionary behavior. Women consider the attention of other women as validation of your value and worth as a man, and her seeing you around other beautiful women, even in a casual setting, will do wonders to boost your value in the eyes of the girl you’re trying to get more serious with.
- Consider just being direct
Playing flirting games is fun, but if she’s not getting the point that you’re interested in her as more than a friend, then you want to bring out the big guns.
Don’t live your life waiting and repressing your emotions. Explain to this girl that you like her!
Remember, in the relationship you want, she shouldn’t be telling you about guys that she’s been with or asking you for guy advice. That’s not what you want to happen. You want her asking for advice from her friends about what to do with you.
Advice for women
If you’re of the female persuasion and looking for advice on how to get out of the friend zone for girls, here’s what I’ll say: be more obvious with your signs! You might think that a little eye contact here and there or some light conversation is a clear sign of interest, but most guys won’t pick up on that. Unfortunately, your guy friend is probably open to a relationship with you, but has no idea that you’re interested in him. Be clearer with your intentions! Women can be far too subtle when signalling interest.
Where to go from here
In the end, I think the most effective way to avoid the friend zone is to escalate, and so as a more complete guide on that topic, I suggest you have a look at a guide we’ve developed called Dominant Sexual Power. Besides some pretty useful techniques on becoming an alpha male and taking a more active role in your life, there’s a pretty nifty section there that deals with escalation.