Friend Zoned...Again!
Dear Vin,
How do I get out of this friends zone? How can I make her love me? I’ve got a lot more girls now since getting more involved in the pickup community. The problem is that they’re all just friends and I still keep getting the line, “Let’s just be friends.” Or when I try to do something it might compromise the relationship. It’s really doing nothing for my sex life and I want to get laid soon.
Dominic from New Orleans
I think that getting stuck in the friends zone all the time is a normal stage in the process. Much like when you’re learning to walk you’ve first got to crawl. I think that you’re doing well. You’re starting to build your social circles and making more friends. But now you’re ready for the stage where you can go on dates and start to make things a bit more real and a bit more sexual with girls you’re meeting rather than just having more social interactions and more platonic friendships.
So these are the three tips I’ve got for you:
1) Start to spend more time alone; just you and the girl. When you’re only spending time with girls in groups this is real friends zone territory but when you’re going on real dates with girls you’re spending time alone with them, especially when it’s late at night, this is going to dramatically increase your chance of getting out of the friends zone. So start to actually ask girls out. Spend time just the two of you together.
2) Get more aggression in your life. Take up mixed martial arts fighting or boxing, kickboxing, or maybe you do a military style boot camp where you run through mud, they yell at you and you do lots of push ups. The point is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Put yourself in situations that are difficult and stressful where you can tap into some of that natural male aggression because when you’re alone with a girl and you want to make a move this is the energy that you need to tap into. This is the energy source that you need to use to help you make a move.
3) Look at your image. Look at some recent photographs of yourself and ask yourself, “Do I look like a bad boy or a nice guy. Guys don’t end up in the friends zone by accident. Guys sometimes radiate friends zone when you look at them and when you talk to them. So look at changing your voice tone, your body language, and your image. Consider the things you do for fun. Just be a little tougher; be a little harder.
You put yourself in the friends zone. You may think girls do it but in every case you’re doing it to yourself. So it’s time to not put up with that anymore and to raise your standards for yourself. You want to be a guy who girls find it impossible to put in the friends zone. You want to be the guy who makes results happen and is willing to get rejected. He’s willing to ruin relationships because he wants to get what he’s after. He wants to live more in touch with his intention.
