If breaking up left a huge hole in your life, then you need to find a fulfilling substitute!
The Addiction theory
This might be a strange thing to say, but I almost look at having a girlfriend and being in a relationship as an addiction. Like all addictions, when we’re trying to let go of them cold turkey, it’s important to replace that thing that we’re addicted to with other activities in our life.
If we don’t, we’re going to feel as though there’s a hole inside of us with something missing, and we’re going to really want to fill that hole. Unfortunately, that’s usually when addicts go back to the substance or thing that they were addicted to.
When it comes to relationships, what I usually find guys are addicted to isn’t just a particular girl, but the very concept and idea of someone loving and caring for them, and being able to physically nurture them. This usually happens to guys who derive their entire feelings of self-worth from female validation. A bad idea, because validation should come from within.
Usually they have identified for whatever reason that the girl is not a good fit for them, and they want to move on with their lives and explore other things.
Look back – what is it that you want to do with your life?
This is why I think a breakup is a great time to get back in touch with some of your creative energy. What are the things in your life that you have been postponing up to this point? When I coach guys, I like to get them to look at what their New Year’s resolutions for the past five years were.
Is there something that is reoccurring, that you consistently want? If so, then that’s probably something you deeply value regardless of the passage of time, and is definitely worth putting into a new focus. It’s quite possible though that you never had the time or energy to go through with your plans, especially since relationships take a great deal of time and effort.
If you want to know the secret of how to get over a breakup, it’s in reversing the mindset of what a breakup is from something negative and undesirable, to a huge opportunity to pursue all those things you’ve been procrastinating.
Break off all forms of contact.
This might be painful at first. It might even seem rude, but at this point, you should care far more about rebuilding your life than what your ex thinks of you.
So not only should you delete her on Facebook, you should block her too, so that she won’t accidentally appear through any friends. Get rid of her contact details on your phone too, and distance yourself from her social group so as to give yourself some space to heal.
It’s incredibly hard to heal and get over a breakup when you’re still seeing your ex every day. I was once in a situation where I continued living with a girl that I had already broken up with. We stayed living together for six months. It is really hard to move on. Trust me, nothing good can come of it!
Giving yourself that space and recognizing that you are not cutting this person out of your life forever, but just while you heal, it something that is quite necessary for you to be able to move on with your life.
The final stage – coming back to relationships
After you’ve filled your life with other activities that you’re passionate about, and you no longer need a woman, that’s when you should consider heading back out into the dating game.
We have a phrase in the seduction community that helps guys get over girls they really pine for:
GTFOW: Go Fuck Ten Other Women.
Only once you’ve done that can you then rationally make a decision on whether that girl really meant as much to you as you thought she did. The likelihood is that you were approaching dating and relationships from a mindset of scarcity – thinking that there just aren’t any other women out there, or doubting your own ability to pick them up.
If indeed you are steeped in self-doubt, then your mind is currently your worst enemy. We have a solution for that, and it works on guys regardless of their appearance, age, or anything else you think might be making you unappealing.