I want to change my life, but how do I do it?
I’m just finding that I’m a really lonely man. I’ve been doing this pickup stuff for a while now and it just feels like I’m just getting nowhere with it. I’m not connecting with anyone and I still feel like I haven’t made any real friends. Can you help me out? Can you point me in the right direction?
Jamal , – North Carolina
Thanks for your email. I’ve got to say this is quite a common thing to be experiencing. I’ve seen a lot of guys who wanted to learn to be good with women because they were lonely and depressed. Then they started to be able to pick up girls and take them home and have sex, but they still ended up lonely and depressed.
What a lot of these guys didn’t actually do, was change their life.
They didn’t actually change their life at the time when they wanted to be good with women. They often learned to be good with women in a very external way, like they were playing a guitar or like they were learning a skill. The problem with this approach to being good with women, is it ultimately doesn’t make you happy. In fact, I’ve met guys who are more unhappy after they were able to pick up women then they were before. I suppose it is because they come to realize that the way they feel is the same, with or without the women in their life?
I highly recommend, instead of ‘learning the skill’ approach to being good with women, use the ‘change your life’ approach to being good with women. The difference in approach, when you change your life in terms of being good with women rather than just learn some external techniques, is that you really figure out what’s going wrong on a core level.
Let’s say for example, you lack connections in your life.
You lack people in your life who really care about you, that you can open up to and you can really share yourself on a deep level with. Everyone wants to have people in their lives that they feel important to and that they matter to. This is really just normal, to want to be connected to the world around you.
If you’re missing that sense of connection in your life, and you try go out picking up girls from bars, you’re probably not going to get much of it. It might be a better idea to start first, by making some true friends. Meet people that are genuine, honest and you have things in common with, so you can gain that sense of connection just through your general lifestyle.
This will change your whole approach to being good with women, because you won’t be trying to find those needs to be fulfilled in unhealthy ways.
It’s like being hungry and healthy eating habits instead of having junk food like McDonalds. It’s the same with feelings that are important in your life like connection. Figure out what’s causing you to feel lonely and depressed and see if you can fill those needs in a really healthy way, rather than trying to source it from cheap and unsatisfying means.
That will bring about true change in your life.
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