In a recent interview, Vin DiCarlo unleashes some of the secrets on how to be better with women by learning to be better to ourselves…
Hitting the books, but still unclear about women?
Maybe you recognize that it’s a numbers game and you’re going out and meeting a lot of women, but you don’t seem to be getting better with women. Are there some things you might be missing out on, even though you’re meeting a lot of women?
When wanting to become better with women, a lot of the time we focus on techniques, methods, routines, and the specific girl, concentrating too much on how we act around women, rather than figuring out how to become a cool person who has goals and drive in life.
It’s important to not make women the focal point of your life. It’s more helpful to have hobbies, goals, and aspirations in life, with women a part of it, but not the major focal point, because there’s nothing sexier than a guy who’s going after his achievements.
It’s also very important to get the basics right, by learning how to be more of a sociable person, with good social skills, able to fit into crowds, read people and building rapport with them. If you become generally more sociable, being sociable with women will be a lot easier, as you learn to read social cues they give you.
If you do feel like you’re not progressing with women or there’s a slow learning curve for you, is there a way to reflect on it at the end of a date without making the girl do an exit interview? Is there a way to see if you’ve gained any ground from your previous date and know if you’re getting better with women faster?
You can fish out some feedback from her and say, “Hey, I’m all about becoming a better person, and I wanted to see how you felt around me; if you didn’t feel like you were enjoying yourself, that’s great, just tell me why.” That’s a hard thing to do. There’s got to be a fair bit of self-awareness and self-knowledge of the behaviors you might be doing wrong.
A cool thing to progress your learning curve is keeping a diary of your interactions with women and your dating life. Put down some things that you think you’re not doing well and things that you are doing well, and then look at the common characteristics that are coming up. It might be something like, “My conversation skills are really poor. I seem to always get stuck in bland conversations.”
In order to improve that, maybe you want to start researching how to be a more interesting person and a more engaging conversationalist. It might pay to buy some books or research information on that subject. Constantly identify weak points and then improve on those weak points, to start to build and increase your learning curve.
A good idea is to be constantly asking yourself really high quality self-awareness questions. Do this DAILY.
How do you know when you’ve picked things up, when you are starting to learn from your mistakes and experience? Do you look back at the number of girls you’ve been with in a certain amount of time? Is there any way to know exactly if you’re getting better with women, or is it more something that you feel?
It’s a bit of both. You feel it when a girl’s around you, by how she behaves around you, whether she finds you more desirable and wants to see you again, or whether she wants to sleep with you. If that’s starting to happen and it wasn’t happening before, it’s a pretty good measurement that things are starting to improve for you. I measure it more or less by the way the girl is acting when she’s around me.
If she’s engaged with and sees me as a sexual type of person, then I know I’m doing the right things. There will always be girls who aren’t, and sometimes it comes down to being a numbers game, but if there’s a higher percentage of girls who find me engaging and want to see me again on a date, then that’s a good yardstick to know that I’m on the right track.
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