You know, we get more emails asking us questions about breaking up and how to deal with the aftermath, than on any other topic, and it’s not surprising: When you break up with a girlfriend, especially one who you’ve been together with for a while, we can really feel heartbroken, and it’s like we lose all motivation for doing anything.
Here’s a question we received yesterday, and I figured I might as well answer with an article, so that others can benefit from the breakup advice too.
If you find your life suddenly empty after a breakup, then you used to put way too much emphasis on women in your life. By building up a powerful core of hobbies and passions, you'll make sure no woman will ever leave such a void again! (And as a bonus, interesting guys are a lot more attractive too.)
“Hey Vin,
I just recently broke up with my girlfriend, and I have to say, times have been better. I’m just finding that after the breakup, I’m spending a lot of time in my house. I’m not really talking to anyone, I’m not eating well, and if anything I’ve regressed a bit. I feel almost as if I’ve become some kind of a hermit, which is not like me at all.
I’m starting to get really down and lonely, I guess I’m just not handling the breakup very well. Perhaps you have some advice on how to deal with breakups? I want to develop a more healthy attitude and rebuild my life again.
All the best,
Thomas from California”
The best way to deal with a breakup, and I speak from experience when I say this, is for you to move on. You really need to flip things on their head. Rather than always thinking about what you’ve lost, think about what the future has to offer, and begin living in the moment and not in the past.
Chances are that you lost something great, and you can’t help but to feel these emotions that you’re feeling, which are causing you to not want to socialize, to not want to go out, and to not want to meet new people.
By the looks of it, Thomas, you’re feeling pretty depressed with your life right now, and that’s no good! If you follow these tips which I’m going to give you, I’m sure it will lift your spirits and I’m sure it will make you feel good again.
Step #1: Stop being a hermit!
First things first: get out of your house. You can do anything you like as long as it makes you happy. Absolutely anything. Whether it’s going for a run or a walk, visiting a museum, going to a concert, or doing some photography. You know yourself what hobbies used to make you happy.
The fact is that humans didn’t evolve to sit around at home all day. We often forget that the original purpose of a home is just a shelter, all the action always happened outside! Sitting at home sad, bitter, and lonely, is not going to help you. It isn’t going to make you feel good. Get up and get out of the house.
Step #2 – Cut her out of your life.
Cease all contact with this woman that you’ve lost. I mean it, forget she even existed. Follow this checklist below and don’t skip any steps.
- Delete her from your facebook profile (in fact, block her so that she doesn’t appear on your friends’ updates)
- Remove her phone number from your contacts list.
- Do not call her, do not text her, do not message her, do not do anything involving her.
- Do not attend events she might be at.
- Remove all photos, gifts, and other objects around your house that might remind you of her.
You must have broken up for some reason, and regardless of whether you will one day get back together as friends or not, right now, cutting her out of your life is the healthiest thing you can do.
Step #3 – GFTOW!
That’s an acronym there for you – Go Fuck Ten Other Women. I’m serious. Nothing helps you forget about an ex more easily than sexy thoughts about new women. Guys can get stuck thinking that their ex was the only girl in the whole world.
So go out there, meet new women, and have sex with them!
The more women that you meet and the more new women that you have sex with, the more you will naturally move away from and forget about your ex. And it’s not just about getting over an ex, it’s also got to do with opening yourself up to new opportunities.
What if out there somewhere is an amazing girl that is a great match for you, but you’re so concerned with the past that your eyes are closed to that possibility. Wouldn’t that be tragic?
Nobody wants to miss out on that kind of opportunity. How many times have you seen a really attractive girl, but could never quite figure out how to approach her?
Don’t let another opportunity slip by you!
