Sometimes it seems like no matter how many girls we meet, none of them are ‘the one’. They may seem interesting, but they just don’t evoke those deep feelings of love. But does that mean love is a fallacy?
Is true love a fallacy? Is it just a myth, perpetrated by cloudy romantics and people trying to sell you books?
No, I don’t think so.
I really do believe it is possible to find love, and to have someone really special in your life. I’m not sure if I believe in the idea of soul mates, which is the belief that there is just this one special person who is perfectly suited for you somewhere in the world, but I do believe that you will meet someone in your lifetime who will be really special to you, and who will really open a door for you to live a beautiful, fulfilling life, even in terms of marriage and children.
Here’s how you can improve your odds.
I’ve got to say that I’m a bit of a percentage man. What I mean is that I like to play the numbers, I like to have them on my side as much as possible. For example, if you go to a casino, certain games have better odds than others. It makes complete sense to focus your time on those games you’re more likely to succeed at, and I’m someone who definitely likes to have good odds.
So when I get questions from guys I coach about finding a serious girlfriend, and looking for love, I try to figure out what his odds are like. What sort of chance does he have of actually finding someone special? Not just falling in love, but for her to love him back?
And to that end there are four factors you can control, which will dramatically increase your odds of finding a loving relationship with a girl.
Number 1 – Your willingness to change.
Without a doubt the most crucial element of finding love is the ability and willingness to change things about yourself.
It’s about coming to the realization that whatever you’re doing right now is probably not working for you, and you need to make significant changes to figure out what does, and what doesn’t work. The guys who end up being successful are those who are willing to change absolutely anything in their life, and who will work on improving themselves with an indomitable passion.
Number 2 – Common interests.
It really helps if you focus on meeting other people with whom you have things in common. Without a doubt, you are going to find it a lot easier to have that sense of love with someone you really connect with, and who you share interests and passions with. If you’re completely uninterested in tennis, how likely are you to meet the love of your life in a tennis club?
But by going to clubs, events, meeting, and various groups that involve doing things with women who share your interests, you are really increasing your chances.
Number 3 – Neediness is unhealthy, and it scares girls away.
Never actually need love. Guys who are constantly trying to get a girlfriend usually become very unattractive. You’ve got to give women something to chase. You’ve got to make them work for it. Sometimes, the sort of guys that are trying to find love just end up coming across as very desperate and easy, and not enough of a challenge for most women to be attracted too.
Not to mention that approaching relationships from a needy perspective is very unhealthy, insofar as your primary reason for seeking out a woman is that you’re not comfortable being around yourself, or being in your own skin. If you’re not comfortable with who you are, which at the moment is probably a single guy, then your prospective love interests aren’t going to be comfortable around you either.
Number 4 – Enjoy the process!
Seriously, this is really important. The whole process of finding love is supposed to be fun. So many guys who are constantly looking for love are very depressed and unhappy (they’re also usually very needy). That is not the kind of attitude that will get you positive attention from women.
So be happy, and enjoy the process itself. Some guys put way too much focus on the end result, thinking that unless they find the perfect woman, they deem this week or this month as a failure.
Learn to enjoy the journey. It is important that you enjoy it despite whatever end result you are getting right now.
Of course, since finding true love is a numbers game, it can sure help to be able to strike up conversations with as many women as possible. How many women have you seen on the street, in class, or at the gym who you thought were stunning, but you chickened out at the last minute?
How many friends do you have who you think might make great girlfriends, but you’re stuck in the friend zone and can’t get out? What if tomorrow your friends get boyfriends?
And what if they were ‘the one’ for you?
I don’t believe that there’s just one girl out there who will be a good match, but there probably aren’t many, and that means you simply cannot afford to let another opportunity slip by.
