It seems like nowadays a lot of guys find themselves stuck in the friend zone. They find a girl they like, but rather than becoming serious with each other, they just stay as friends. Here’s the e-mail we received from Sam:
Touch is really important. It's one of the things that sets friends apart from lovers. Which one do YOU want to be?
“Hey Vin,
I’ve gone on a few dates with a girl I really like called Sara, but I feel like I’ve missed my chance, because every opportunity I (in retrospect) had to escalate things, I just didn’t do anything.
Now it seems like we’re going on more dates, but the relationship isn’t really moving anywhere. I’m afraid I might be getting stuck in the friend zone, and I want to get out! Is it too late for me? Do you have any advice? I would be really grateful!
Sam from Miami”
I completely understand where you’re coming from, Sam. I’ve been there many times before, where I’ve been out with a girl, we’ve enjoyed each other’s company, and I’ve started to have feelings for her but just didn’t escalate properly, and she ended up viewing me as a friend.
The good news is that it’s never too late to get out of the friend zone. It’s just important to pay a little more attention to your actions, and make a few minor changes. I’m going to give you two broad goals that you should incorporate into your life. Think of it as a two-pronged assault on your self-doubt.
Improve yourself!
Everyone can do with a bit of self improvement. Do anything you can to improve your own value, and start to appreciate and respect yourself more. You see, quite often we might find that our inability to escalate stems from low self-esteem. Some people might not feel confident that they’re “good enough” for the girl.
So I’m going to suggest a few life-changing tips here, but you really need to actually follow them. Don’t just say you will, and then sit on the couch watching T.V. or playing games. Make yourself a detailed plan, do your best to follow it throughout the day, and review that plan every night before you sleep.
- Hydrate! So many people drink too little. It’s safe to say that most people are in a state of permanent, mild dehydration. Water gives us more energy and helps us flush out the bad stuff in our digestive system.
- Eat healthier. You’ll have more energy, your skin will look better, and your exercise regimen will benefit you more.
- Exercise! Every day, too. I don’t believe anyone is really so busy with their life that they can’t find 15 minutes a day to exercise. It might not sound like a lot, but if you do it consistently and every day, you’ll start to see the benefits sooner than you might think. (Pro tip: gyms and machines are overrated. You can do a very comprehensive set of exercises using just the floor and your body weight, and you save on the time and money it takes to visit a gym. Maybe get a yoga mat though.)
- Learn new things, whether it’s playing sports, a new instrument that you’ve always wanted to play, or any other hobby you feel passionate about.
Filling your life with exciting new things is going to boost your self-confidence immeasurably, and you’re going to be a lot more comfortable with both yourself, and the idea of escalation.
A more advanced strategy is to really take some crazy endurance style challenges in your life. Go from taking the easy way out and looking to cheat to seeking challenges in life. Check this out…
Become more social.
It’s important to meet as many new people as you can, especially females, and flirt with them. They don’t have to be women you’re attracted to. Anybody you can strike up a conversation with and practice your social skills is going to do just fine.
It’s very important that you have a large social circle, especially with women, as this will actually bring you closer to this girl that you’re trying to get, Sara. Nothing helps you be more comfortable around women than… being around women more!
Alright, I said it would be two goals, but here’s another aspect that guys really need to focus on.
Physical contact is really important.
When you’re talking to her, make sure you use physical contact. That’s the biggest mistake that guys make. They do not go Kino and they don’t escalate physically, and that’s how they get stuck in the friend zone.
It doesn’t have to be direct touching, it can be subtle too! For example, as you tell stories you just happen to touch her in the process of telling the story, whether it’s the arm, the head, the stomach, or the leg. Pretty much anywhere as long as you’re touching.
When talking to Sara, it’s important that you’re teasing and being playful, so that your interactions aren’t simple and boring to the point where she just views you as a friend, and as someone who she can ask for advice from. So flirt with her. For example, if she’s wearing a nice perfume, why not lean in and smell her neck?
Bring your nose in real close, all the way up her neck, and start sniffing and telling her how delicious she smells. It’s really never too late to get out of the friend zone, but it’s important that you starkly distinguish yourself from just a friend. Make sure that there’s always sexual tension in the relationship, and that she is never too comfortable with you to the point where she’s asking you for advice about other guys.
Now I didn’t just make this stuff up off the top of my head. This information is actually taken from detailed psychological research into a woman’s mind, and there’s more where this came from!
