I’ve heard the best way how to get your girlfriend back is by letting go and moving on, how can this help? Is that true, or is it implausible? And if so, how would you suggest moving on after a break up?
There are a few important key steps to moving on. The first is to realize that it is going to be very challenging to move on in a relationship, if for a variety of reasons you are still constantly in each other’s lives. I had an experience whereby I broke up with a girlfriend, but we were still living together. This was purely because of the circumstances, such as problems with rent, and the fact that we were trying to focus on not ruining the friendship.
As a result, it was very challenging for me to move on. But the second that I was able to move from that place and essentially cut her out of my life for a period of time, it became a lot easier. As part of that idea of cutting someone out of your life, here are a few important components: first, take her off Facebook.
This may just be a short-term solution, but if you want to maintain a friendship further down the road, you can always add her later on. For the first one to three months delete her from Facebook, and block her completely so that she does not pop up in any statuses — just remove her completely from your head.
Next, delete her phone number. Third, If find yourself in situations where you have a joint social circle, start to distance yourself a little bit from those social circles. I certainly do not recommend you drop your friends, because in times of a break up our close friends are going to be really important to us, but recognize that until you do move on it’s not going to be healthy for you to be hearing about the things that she is doing, seeing her out with other people, and especially seeing her in person.
That is the first step necessary in order to move on. And all the while we are recognizing that we are not cutting her out of our life forever, but only temporarily, as part of an important process that we need to go through, which can have a huge long-term benefit for us.
The second step is to think about what you can add to your life. When we take some things out of our life, if we do not then add something to replace them, we can get withdrawal. It is really important that we find something to spend out free time on, our extra free energy on.
That might be taking up a new passion, perhaps a hobby you’ve always wanted to try as a kid, but never had the time or the opportunity. It could be learning a musical instrument, or getting involved with different social clubs. It might be joining a new sports club. When people explore their own lives, they recognize that there are things they’ve wanted to do forever, but never got around to them. Take a moment right now and see if you can come up with three different things, just off the top of your head.
The final step is to think about new ways in which you might be able to meet new people. Not just women but also men. I really think it is important, as part of your process of trying to move on, that you find a balance of new positive people in your life.
In the end, what may happen is that you end up getting your girl back; or on the other hand it may lead you to recognize that the only reason you were in that relationship to begin with was that you didn’t have much else going on in your life, and you had a sense of validation and fulfillment from being in the relationship, which you simply no longer require.
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