Judging by the letters we receive, guys often wonder how to have a long term relationship, or whether having one is right for them.
A lot of their friends are in long term relationships, and many start wondering if that kind of relationship is what they need in their lives to make it complete. Guys are led to believe that they have to come to the decision to begin a long term relationship because it’s so ingrained in our society.
My thoughts are that a guy doesn’t choose that a long term relationship is the right option for him but rather that a long term relationship chooses him. A time will come when he will just know within himself that it’s the right time in his life to give it a go and that the girl he’s seeing at this moment is the right girl for him.
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Search deep into your soul and redefine your goals. What are you really looking for?
I found when I was actively working on becoming more effective with women that some of my closest friends were entering into relationships that were soon becoming long term relationships.
I felt that as I started to really work on developing myself and progressing myself, and continuing to hook up with more and more attractive, ambitious, and talented women, things started changing in my friend’s life. I could see that they had gotten to that point in their life that they needed to find a long term relationship and start settling down.
What I believed is that they started recognizing that they had reached as far as they were going to get, and so they then choose to settle into a long term relationship and started focusing on the rest of their life as if they had run out of time and needed to settle down. Personally, that’s a horrible frame to start a relationship from.
In fact, my advice for leading a successful long term relationship is not to focus on it becoming a long term relationship. Don’t start making promises that extend too far down the track. Don’t make commitments to someone so far down the road because at this point in the game, even you don’t know where that road leads yet.
The key to success in a long term relationship is to have a short term focus.
When you look at it from that perspective, beginning a new relationship that is a casual relationships can actually be really good practice for being able to live and sustain a successful long term relationship.
The key phrase that you want to really grab hold of and run with is, “I like you today, I want to see you tomorrow” and as long as you can say that to yourself each and every day of the start of something new, then things are always going to feel refreshed. It’s kind of like AA’s motto, “Take one day at a time”. That should be the motto at the beginning of any new relationship.
The great thing about this way of thinking is that neither partner can get too relaxed; neither partner becomes too comfortable because they know if they slip; they know if they don’t keep putting positive energy into a relationship that it’s likely that the relationship could end.
Take the time to learn about each other and find out if you really LIKE each other.
That is the best long term relationship advice I can give. People these days “fall in love” in 2 weeks, when really, in all reality, I call it “falling in lust”, and lust never last. Learn to know the person you’re dating, and give them time to learn about you.
Quirks you may be able to get past, but actual things that chap your ass will only build resentment later. And with resentment comes bitterness, which then leads to anger and a terrible end to a relationship that probably should have ended earlier.
Do long term relationships work? Yes, if they were meant to be in the first place. The secrets to keeping it long term is really no secret at all. Take my advice and first, figure out what it is you are looking for when dating. Then stay in the present, because looking to the future too soon adds pressure that both of you can do without. Most importantly, take the time to learn about each other.
You build a relationship from the foundation up, so make sure the foundation is secure. Remember the song “Ka Sara Sara”, which means what will be will be. If this relationship is “the one”, it will continue. If you’re looking for ways on how to make a long term relationship last, stop looking. Just let things take their natural course, and if it’s meant to be, it will be.