Why most conventional is wrong and how you can be the one who gets it right
For the uninitiated, it can be one of the most stressful experiences of your life. You’ve built up courage to ask a girl out, and she’s agreed, but now you’re left with the daunting task of arranging the date that you hope will shape the rest of your relationship.
Fear not. Follow these three tips, and not only will you have the perfect date, but you’ll also set up the relationship for ongoing success.
There’s so much conventional wisdom out there about what the perfect date is. Most conventional wisdom is wrong.
A successful date cannot be about what you’re doing. It has to be about the two of you spending time with each other and getting to know each other. If you’re trying to sell her on the excitement of the activity, then you’ll find that this activity actually distracts from the real purpose of the date. It has to be about the two of you.
Follow the tips outlined below and you will be enjoying successful first dates that lead to second dates and more.
Got a question about first dates? Please ask, I promise to take the time to personally respond.
Tip 1- The Venue is Everything
The venue will make or break the date. Get it wrong, and the date’s over before you’ve even begun. Get it right, and the date should flow nicely, smoothly, and ensure a late night rendezvous or a follow-up date two. For example, your dates could always start at the same place, maybe a quiet little bar around the corner from your place.
One of the clues to success is, when you find something that works, keep using it. The venue must set the right mood, have chill music, nice staff and a nice atmosphere. One of the principles that Sun Tzu talks about in “The Art of War” is pick your battlefield.
This is never truer than in the dating scene. You want to go to a place that you feel completely comfortable in. You want to go to a place that shows off your best qualities. Make sure you refuse, under all circumstances, to go on a date with her and her friends, in her environment. This will get you killed.
The other thing nice about quiet bars is it sets the frame as casual, which is the ideal frame to set during the beginning phases of a relationship. Even if you are actually looking for something more substantial, it’s better to set the frame as a casual one, right from the start.
Tip 2- Plan for Progression
In another words, have a date plan! It’s important that you allow for progression throughout the date. You actually want to be able to move the girl to different environments throughout the date. Maybe you’ve experienced this yourself. When you spend time doing a variety of activities over a period of time, it actually creates the illusion of having spent more time together. You find yourself making statements like, “Wow, I can’t believe we did so much tonight.”
Ideally, your date plan should allow for a minimum of three to four changes of location. What that can mean is three to four different venues, or even just moving logistically around a particular venue. For example, you could take the date from a table for two, to some comfy seats in the lounge, to around the corner for pool or ice cream.
This allows you to build comfort, and also get a girl comfortable with the idea of being moved. Then, when it was finally time for the venue to shut, it gives you an opportunity to let the girl know that you weren’t ready for the night to end, and invite her back to your place to watch a DVD.
Don’t leave your dates up to chance. Have a plan that allows for structured move and structured escalation. Ideally, the plan should have a starting place and an end place. I’m sure I don’t need to point out to you that the end place should either be your house or hers.
Tip 3- Include Escalation
We spoke about progressing the date. Logistically, it’s also important to plan for escalation. You can escalate in a variety of ways. Focus on escalating the overall vibe, and the way to do this is to move the vibe through three particular phases: a platonic level, a personal level, and a sexual level.
Often, when you start a date, both parties will be a little bit nervous, so it’s okay to start with basic platonic-level interaction. Asking her how her day’s been, or what she does for work, or the types of shows that she watches are all perfectly okay to get the ball rolling. As you warm her up, though, you want to make sure that you’re progressing to a more personal level of interaction.
This means delving a little bit deeper, finding out who she is beneath the surface, finding out what her dreams and aspirations are. Naturally, near the end of the date, you want to start moving it towards a sexual direction, ensuring that you don’t get stuck in the friend zone. Ultimately, it can help to have a little bit of a sexual undercurrent from the very start of the date. This can actually take the edge off, and allow the two of you to relax into getting to know each other much sooner.
If you haven’t had a lot of experience with dates, they can be confronting and challenging. However, following these three tips, and throwing yourself in the deep end and playing around with the idea of going on more dates, will help get you to a point where dates become effortless, predictable, and extremely exciting. You will have the confidence and experience needed to make any date a success.
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