Talking to women, especially those you’re attracted to, takes some balls at first. So why not practice with women who aren’t your type?
The idea behind a successful interaction with women, especially when you’re asking lots of questions, is to make the questions seem a natural part of the conversation, and not like she accidentally stumbled into a job interview.
To help you learn how to talk to women, what I’m going to do in this article is give you guys two golden rules for asking questions. If you follow these rules, you’ll ensure you never ask a bad question again.
Are you making these mistakes? Be honest!
As a starting point though, I want to preface the rules by talking about some of the big mistakes that I see guys making.
The first mistake I see guys making is getting stuck on question trains. Question trains are really easy to get on to, the quality of the questions devolves really quickly, and unfortunately once you’re on them they’re really hard to get off of. They’re just vampires in terms of sucking the value out of an interaction.
You can really feel how with each ongoing question, your value is just sinking lower and lower. Most often, the types of question trains that I see guys get stuck on almost invariably begin by asking a girl, “How’s your night been? What are you up to tonight? What’s the occasion? What are you drinking? Who are you here with? What do you do for work?”
And once they get stuck on these question trains, they just can’t find a way to get off. Now you might notice that all of these questions are factual in nature. If there’s one thing I want you to understand about asking girls questions, is that girls respond far better to emotion than they do to fact.
Another way you can combat the question train is by balancing questions with statements. So when you ask a question and a girl responds, relate your own experiences with a statement. If you can get in the habit of consistently balancing your questions with statements, that’s going to move the interaction forward in a far more meaningful manner.
Golden rule #1: Care about the answer.
As promised, the first rule of talking to girls is that you have to care about the answer. Whenever you ask a question, make sure that it’s something you want to know the answer to.
Now in my case that might be something like, “What do you do for work?” I actually don’t care about what she does for work. What I’m more interested in is why she does what she does for work, and does she love doing it?
If you find yourself asking a question that you really don’t care about, your body language, tone of voice, eye contact – in short everything about you, will betray the fact that you simply don’t care, and women are very intuitive about picking up on that.
If you find yourself automatically asking a question that doesn’t particularly spark, just call yourself out of an interaction and say, “You know what? I actually don’t want to know the answer to that, what I’m more interested in is…” and then you ask the real question that you want to ask. Right off the bat that kind of honesty when asking questions is going to really appeal to women.
Golden rule #2: Investment (not the financial kind).
The second golden rule is: does this question allow her to invest more in the interaction? Does it allow her to deepen her involvement, and what she can reveal about herself?
Sometimes we refer to open-ended questions, which are questions that can’t be answered with one-word responses. That’s certainly a good philosophy to be following.
Sometimes you can even ask a close-ended question which can still get her to invest a little bit more. For instance, a question like, “You look adventurous. Would that be true?” is clearly a question with a one-word answer.
However, if she were to answer, “yes,” then you can follow up to that and maybe delve a little bit deeper into who she is as a person. Even if you get her on a “yes” train in which she’s answering “yes” to something and then you follow-up, that’s not a bad way to go.
This is probably one of the most important articles we’ve got on the DiCarlo blog, because if guys can get great at asking questions, and balancing questions out with statements, their interactions will just flow really well, and girls will love spending time with them. She’ll be begging to want to see you again!
However, questions will not get you laid. You can’t ask your way into her bedroom, and while holding a great conversation is an excellent skill, if you never escalate, she’ll just treat you as a friend. You’ll get stuck in the friend zone, constantly asking questions, and you’ll end up being her go-to guy for all her guy problems! You do NOT want that.
But be careful, once you open Pandora’s Box, there’s no going back…