What are guys doing wrong when it comes to winning her heart?
See if you can turn the tables and get her working for your affection
If you have other questions about winning her heart, please ask in the comments. I answer each one personally.
I think the biggest mistake is guys think too hard about this.
They try to do too much to get a girl to like them.
They try to put on a particular personality, buy their way into a girl’s good graces, or shower her with affection. The problem with this is, if you’re trying too hard, you’re investing a lot of yourself into the interaction, and if the girl is not reciprocating that investment, you’re setting up a horrible frame for the present. Or, even if you are successful in the moment, you’re setting up a horrible frame for your future with her.
If you’re going out and buying a girl a whole bunch of drinks just so she’ll talk to you, what you’re doing is saying, “Me spending X amount of dollars is equal to you just saying hi to me.” What’s going to happen if the relationship progresses and she kisses you? What is that equal to? What does it equal when she’s having sex with you? The reality is that guys are creating a scenario that they can’t manage, like a Ponzi scheme.
The second part is that if you are so focused on winning her affection by buying her stuff… this is not attractive to women.
She doesn’t want to be with someone who’s going to think only about her, whether it is by financial or emotional means. What you’ve got to be mindful of doing is setting up an appropriate balance, right from the start.
An appropriate balance is through reward and punishment. I like to set a high price on my attention. If I talk to a girl and she does something great, she tells me about something that I find impressive, it’s something that’s unique to her — then I will reward her with my attention.
If she bores me, why the fuck would I reward her with drawn-out attention?
If she wants to spend time with you, then she has to be a little bit impressive herself. She has to invest in the interaction, and what this does is set up a great balance moving forward. Another thing that you can do is reward her with your touch. If she says something that’s funny or says something that’s intelligent, you can compliment her and reward her with your touch.
What happens is we set the frame that she’s working for our affection.
She’s working so that we can escalate on her. When you’re escalating on her, it’s not you escalating on her — it’s her escalating on you by being more impressive. This shifts the focus from how to be chased by women to them chasing us. Those are some tips for guys to think about that will help them get the right balance from the start, to change the way women look at them. Women will now start to see them as someone worthy of being chased, rather than someone who will have to chase after them.
If you really want to learn how to win her affection and understand her mind…read on.
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