How can I lose my virginity if I’m an older guy? I sometimes feel like I’m the only one out there and that all my friends have already lost their virginity.
I’d say that in every case of an older guy I’ve ever met who is still a virgin, they’ve either got some pretty serious social anxiety, or they’ve got some major hang-ups about sex.
I therefore recommend for you to consider, if you’re over the age of 35 and still a virgin, then I’d suggest that you take action to making sex a much smaller deal. Find a girl to have sex with… maybe that means you pay someone or maybe you meet someone online or maybe you have to drink alcohol. Now usually I wouldn’t recommend these methods, but think of them as training wheels. We have a problem that your brain is making a huge deal out of sex and we want to normalize that.
Sex is a normal human process and you can get sex if you try. I’m completely certain of this… I know, I know, you don’t believe it, but you are going to have to suspend your disbelief for awhile. You are just going to have to trust me and then start taking action towards having sex. The experience won’t be magical, it probably won’t be great, and that is completely okay.
Just get it out of your way and off your mind.
But it does seem like a big deal to me.
It’s normal for humans to have sex. If you’re an older guy and you’re a virgin, then it’s probably a massive deal for you because it’s something you’ve avoided for so long. Sex is a basic human need. It’s like being hungry and not eating. For someone who is over the age of 35 or 40 and still a virgin, in their mind, it has to have become the biggest deal in the world. That’s very normal. It is only after losing your virginity that you will realize how it’s no big deal.
What about my lack of sexual experience? That makes me worried.
When you worry about social encounters, like sex or having conversations this is called social anxiety. Social anxiety is going to cause you to worry and have fears, and this is normal if you’re a shy kind of guy. Your mind will constantly be working against you by making you feel nervous and scared of all kinds of things.
You are a great guy and you have some real strengths that you can share with women. When you relax your mind, I bet you are already doing some great hings with your life (and if you are not, I know you can). I can say that because I have watched guys who had absolutely ZERO CONFIDENCE turn into some of the best pick up artists in the world. In fact, these guys actually were able to achieve more results, because they wanted it so bad.
Some guys just casually want their life to improve and they aren’t willing to put in the work. However, if are the type of guy who commits to an action plan and is willing to put in the effort, then nothing can stop you. You’ve got to begin the path to getting into a really intense anxiety reduction plan. If you’ve got anxiety, you’re going to find getting sex hard. If you’ve got no anxiety at all, then getting laid is going to be one of the easiest things, so you’ve really got to focus on overcoming anxiety.
What’s one action that I can take right now, after I’m done reading this article, that will lead me towards shaking off my social anxiety?
I would encourage you to learn something called mindfulness. Mindfulness is a really powerful, natural way to overcome anxiety. It works by helping you deal with your thinking patterns, because anxiety is really just a side effect of thinking in a certain way. Just go on Google or Youtube and do a search for it, there will be plenty of resources on that topic. There are a lot of blogs about mindfulness and books.
You can also learn some relaxation techniques, such as breathing exercises, which can help calm your anxiety in any particularly worrying moment.
So if you leave this article with just one thing in mind – scrap that, right it down on a piece of paper so you don’t forget – it would be to become an expert in mindfulness, to check out everything by an author called John Kabat-Zinn. He’s an amazing expert on the topic. Make the practice of mindfulness something you do every day for at least sixty minutes.
Are there any other tips that you can give me?
Don’t become overloaded with information. For now, focus purely on mindfulness. Keep it simple, keep it straight, and don’t worry about anything else but that topic for the next three months. Set up reasonable goals for yourself on the topic and pursue them. Maybe you have to realign some of your priorities or change how you are doing things right now… trust me this is a good thing.
Do you have questions about losing your virginity? Please ask in the comments below and I’ll answer each one personally.
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