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I’ve been on a dating site for about a month now, but I haven’t had any luck and I’m starting to feel really down because I receive so few messages back. What am I doing wrong? What are some things that can help me stand out from the crowd, and how many responses should I be expecting from women?
Anthony, – England
Something that I’m starting to notice about online dating sites is that there are actually two types of them.
There’s the online dating site in the classical sense, where you have to send a message to the girl and wait for a response; and then there are also these newer social dating sites, which tend to have helpful iPhone and Android apps.
What’s great about these websites and their apps is that they actually show you the location of the women in relation to yourself.
But on top of that, it’s an interactive medium in that when you message girls who are online, you can talk to them straight away, and have a back and forth discussion instead of waiting for a reply. I would try both out if I were you.
In terms of online dating advice, the one core concept that you want to focus on is simply sending as many messages as is humanly possible.
You see, attractive girls get anywhere between twenty to two hundred messages a day, and sending more messages is going to increase your chances of getting back a response. The fact is that only about 5% of the messages that you send out are going to get a response, so keep that in mind.
I would also suggest that you do your research, and don’t just walk into the scene blind.
A great resource is blog.okcupid.com, which has a lot of statistical information. All of this research has already been done on your behalf, and you can use it to your advantage right away to get better results online.
You also have to realize that using the online medium for meeting women is all about getting them out in person.
You don’t want to be having long conversations. Even if you have to cut them off, that’s fine. Focus on just building comfort and genuinely getting to know the girl. Too many guys are rushing to take things in a sexual direction, and this can really blow up in their faces.
If you get things too sexual with a woman before you’ve even met her, then it puts a lot of pressure on the idea that sex has to happen. So when it comes to finally meeting her, the chances are that she’s going to flake out on you because she’s afraid that sex has to happen; and this is really not going to help you at all, whatsoever. What you want to do is keep the interactions pretty short, and start to get a feeling for when a woman is starting to really get engaged in the interaction and starting to show a fair bit of interest.
At this point you want to focus on moving towards getting her number, or inviting her and trying to get her out on a date.
Getting her number is a great middle point because it gives you a chance to build more credibility over the phone, and solidify you as the person that you presented yourself to be online. It can be a good way to make her more comfortable and eventually getting the logistics from there to meeting her in the flesh.
Do you have any questions about online dating? Write yours in the comments below and I’ll answer personally.
A solid strategy to make women comfortable online is to show them that you understand them on a deep level…
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