The #1 fear that guys tend to have when talking to women or wondering how to talk to women is the fear of getting rejected.
They are really worried about a girl responding negatively to them, maybe embarrassing them or feeling shame from the interaction. A lot of guys have told me that their biggest fear is when they get humiliated. When a girl looks at them or gives them a response that is dismissive, insulting, or when she doesn’t say anything but just looks at them in a way that sort of says, “What the hell are you thinking? You are not anywhere near good enough to talk to me — go back under the rock that you crawled out of.”
Do you have questions about overcoming your fear of rejection? Ask in the comments below and I’ll answer each one personally.
That’s probably a lot worse than any woman would ever say to them, but for a lot of guys that is their main fear.
They are really scared of just being totally out of their league, looking like a complete idiot, and simply being humiliated in front of their friends or in public. I want to help you deal with that fear. I want to help you to limit the effect that fear is having on you, limiting the ability that fear has of holding you back from meeting women.
I’ve got to warn you that you are going to get rejected.
You may think that this is a bad thing, but it’s actually a positive thing. For me, personally, I expect to get rejected at least 10 to 20 percent of the time; if I’m not getting rejected 10 to 20 percent of the time, in my mind it means I’m not talking to attractive enough girls, or when I’m going in to talk to a girl, I’m not going in hard or strong enough. If you are going in too easy, weak, or just in a casual friendly way, you’ll never get rejected.
In my mind a certain amount of rejection is a good thing.
It reminds me of a friend of mine who is a driver of motor rally racing cars — quite a famous rally driver — whom I knew when he just worked a normal job. In his first season he crashed a bit; he was having a few crashes, and the manager of the team said that was a good thing. He said it was easier to get a guy who was driving too fast and crashing to slow down a little bit and win, than it was to get a guy who was very cautious and slow to win. That made sense to me, and it’s the same with girls.
I find it much easier to train a guy who expects a certain amount of negativity and just takes it as part of the game.
He just expects that some girls aren’t going to like him. Some girls are going to give him a negative response and not every girl is going to be the sort who thinks that he is her type. You’ve just got to factor that in. It’s kind of like doing a science experiment — it’s not going to work every time.
If you can implement that mindset, believe in it and feel it, that is the way to overcome this fear. It’s when you set unrealistic standards that every girl is going to like you, that every girl needs to respond well and you don’t embrace the idea of rejection that you will do poorly.
Essentially, what I recommend is that you reject rejection.
Don’t let it factor in your mind and don’t even think of it as rejection. It’s not failure if you are getting outside your comfort zone, meeting girls, and trying new things. That is not failure in anyone’s book.
BONUS TIP – CHANGE YOUR NUMBER 1 PROBLEM
The guys who find getting better with women tend to think of women in their mind as the “one last thing to conquer,” or, “the biggest problem in their life,” or in some way are thinking of getting better with women as some great achievement, or massive problem, or the only thing stopping them from really enjoying life, or something along those lines. Thinking like this makes being good with women pretty much impossible. We all need a No.1 problem, but replace women as being your problem with a new no.1 problem, like a hobby, passion, or interest. I always thought my no.1 problem was girls, so I replaced it with martial arts, and my success with girls increased. Now I struggle with martial arts, but I don’t mind that nearly as much.
Our brain is the most powerful problem solving computer on earth; give it something to do, but if you don’t choose what that is, it will substitute its own choice for you. Never let a computer, even a living one like your own brain, fill the vacuum you have created by not making your own thought-out choices.
You’ll have less problems talking to women and hooking up if you know the best things to say…
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