Do you think that people in a discreet relationship actually benefit from it? By discreet relationship I mean that only the two of you know about it.
I’m going to focus on this from the perspective of a woman who wants to have sex, perhaps some casual sex, but doesn’t want to worry about being called a slut or being labeled a whore or anything like that.
I have a lot of discreet relationships and if there’s one thing that I could tell guys — it’s that if you can make women feel comfortable about the idea of having sex with you without it being a pressuring thing, you can make such relationships successful. Make it clear that this is not a thing you’re going to judge her for, and that can make a big difference.
The discretion part is really important. She needs to trust that you’re not going to tell other people about what’s going on, that you don’t need to brag to your friends. And why would you want to brag to other people anyway?
Who really cares what other people think? You’re the one having the sex, you’re the one having all of these good times with this person — that’s all that matters. If you’re caught up in having to brag about it then you’re probably not even enjoying the sex.
Okay so let’s say that one of the participants in the relationship wants it to remain discreet. Do you think it’s actually healthy for that relationship? Let’s not focus on casual sex, let’s focus on a real relationship. Why would you want it to be discreet if you’re in a relationship? This is what I don’t understand.
Oh, there can be plenty of reasons for discretion. Maybe there are complications like the disapproval of parents or something like that. I think it can be healthy to be in a discreet relationship for some time, while you build things up and are more certain about where the relationship is going and what kind of relationship you’re building.
The reality though is that at some point you’re going to have to address these issues. If that means that parents are not approving then you’re going to have to make a stand. If the relationship is important to you then you’re going to have to bring it out into the open at some point.
However at the start of the relationship it can be a good idea because you don’t know what direction your relationship is taking, and you don’t know whether you’re going to feel the same way about a person two weeks after you’ve started dating them. So yes, I think there is some merit to being in discreet relationships at times, but if you really care for the person, be ready to challenge the discrete nature of your relationship.
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