Want to get her here? Turn her on with touch...
Are you wondering what things turn women on?
I know lots of guys want so bad to date women, have sex with women, and do all the things they think about with women. But the challenge lies in going from the fantasy to the reality. If you’ve never dated a girl, never had sex, or just had small experiences with women, how can you get as good as you want to be?
The first thing I address with my clients is their fear of rejection.
Most guys are terrified of being shot down and rejected. They picture drinks being poured on them, women laughing in their face, or making fun of them. They can’t picture themselves being successful. Whenever they see a woman that they want to approach, their brain starts spewing out fearful comments… “You could never have her” or “You are way to ugly for her” or “You will just screw this up, why try?”
This gets to me, because I see so many guys waiting to go after women, instead of going after them. Especially coming from my perspective of being horrible with women and then watching as I changed that. I’ve seen hundreds, even thousands of guys, go from being fearful guys crippled by inaction to masterful pick-up artists that walked into bars and owned the beautiful women there.
Here’s the key question: Where do you start?
Well the first thing is, if guys really don’t feel like they know how to turn a woman on, they should probably start by focusing on touching. Touching a woman, and understanding how to progressively make her feel more comfortable with you. Then escalating that touching, until it becomes something that leads to sex.
Touch is so powerful and it doesn’t need to be creepy.
When you are thinking of how to turn women on, most guys make a fundamental error. Most guys start off assuming that she doesn’t want to be turned on. Guys don’t want to bother her or get rejected or get called a creep, so if they do talk to her, then they are playing everything very safe. Here’s the thing: women love to be turned on, when a guy knows what he is doing (which you will after reading this and going out and practicing).
To touch as smoothly as possible, there’s actually a really great resource online called the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder. The brilliance of the escalation ladder is that it gets rid of any unnecessary steps and gives you this smooth progression from meeting the woman, and even before that when you make eye contact, all the way up to getting her to have sex with you. Women are most turned on, when a guy does certain things in an order. For example, if you walk up to a girl you have never met and grab her to kiss her, then she is going to slug you.
But if you go up to her and start talking to her in a fun, playful way… then you slightly bump her on the arm to tease her about something… then over the course of the conversation you get a little closer and your shoulders touch each other… then you touch her hair a little… then you lean in a little to smell her neck… then you are already there so you go for a kiss.
In this situation, if you don’t go for a kiss, she is going to be upset. This ladder of escalation is what women respond to. Each step of the way you are helping her feel comfortable touching you and getting close to her. It will feel natural to her, when you go for a kiss. So if guys really want to start somewhere, and really want to improve, it should be with touching more, and learning how to touch properly and get used to touching.
That’s great, but how can a guy go about doing this? I mean, it might be frightening to jump right into the deep end and start touching females – even friends. Are there ways to psych ourselves up, or should we work on being more physical with family and friends first? How do you suggest to overcome this inherent shyness some guys have?
Yeah absolutely, depending on how shy they are, they should probably focus on people that they feel comfortable with touching already. The thing is, when most people think about touching a woman, they think it has to be this abrupt or overtly obvious and sexual thing, but the truth is there’s a lot to be said about subtlety.
Going back to the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder, it’s going to teach you a lot about the importance of using subtlety, or what is known as ‘incidental touch’, and how that really turns a woman on. This is in stark contrast to the overt touching which you see a lot of men doing.
When you say ‘incidental touch’, is this just like ‘accidentally’ brushing against a woman?
Yeah, absolutely. The beauty of this type of flirting and the tension it builds is that it has this plausible deniability. She doesn’t quite know if you did it intentionally, but she knows you could’ve done it intentionally, and because that is unresolved, it creates tension. So, there’s actually a lot more to be said about being subtle than there is about being too overt and too obvious.
What’s your favorite way to incidentally touch a woman? Share in the comments below and I’ll answer each one personally.
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