There is so much advice on what to say to girls to gain their attention, but what about what not to say to a girl? Because a conversation can end as quickly as it begins if you say the wrong thing.
In my ten years of being one of the best seducers of women in the world, I’ve said some really stupid things. Even to this day, I still have the occasional lapse of judgement, but the difference now is that when stupid things come out of my mouth, I have the ability to salvage the interaction.
I am always being asked what’s the worst possible thing that can be said to a girl and how can one avoid it. Your quest is to charm the girl and turn her on, not turn her off and have her running in the other direction. My answer is always the same, and it’s something that you probably aren’t expecting.
There are a few things not to say to girls, ever. But there is one thing that is far worse that saying the wrong thing.
The worst thing you can say to a girl is nothing at all…
The great Michael Jordan once said, “You miss 100% of the shots that you do not take.” This is so true when it comes to meeting girls. Guys are so petrified of saying the wrong thing that they opt out instead and choose not to say anything at all.
Saying the wrong thing is ten times better than saying nothing at all. In fact, if you’re one of the guys that doesn’t approach girls because you fear that you are going to say the wrong thing, then you are missing all kinds of opportunities. So, the next cute girl you come across, make an effort to intentionally come up with the worst thing that you can think of and say it to her. At the very least you are going to start an interaction.
The great thing about saying something is that you never know where an interaction will lead. This is one reason I encourage students not to prepare their material before approaching a girl.
The way women respond to approaches is completely unpredictable. The best thing you can do is start an interaction and be present. Some of my best approaches, some of my best interactions, and ultimately some of my most memorable relationships have come from some of my least memorable approaches.
I remember walking up to one amazingly hot lingerie model on the streets of New York, tapping her on the shoulder and then completely freezing up. I just stood there for about five seconds not knowing what to say. I was able to salvage the interaction by just being honest and acknowledging the awkwardness that I had just created. Within minutes I had her laughing and we were sitting down over coffee. Trust me, you never know where an interaction will go.
The second worst thing to say is anything that is predetermined…
Having a prepared routine, or even worse an entire interactions worth of prepared routines, will take away your number one strength.
Your number one strength is that you’re a human. Preparing lines turns you into a robot. Unfortunately, if you follow prepared lines there is a disconnect that the girl will instantly feel. Maybe you’ve even experienced this yourself. You’ve felt that disconnect of emotions. Women come with a built-in antenna. Their being is completely comprised of emotion and truth, and they can spot false sincerity the moment you speak, if you rely on routines.
Learn to be completely present through the process. You want to be able to listen intently with your ears and your eyes when she’s speaking. If you follow a routine style of game, this isn’t possible. You’re constantly one step ahead in your thinking and not paying any attention to what she is saying.
Allow yourself to be human. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and trust that, if you listen carefully to the threads of her conversation, you’ll be able to respond appropriately. Being a good listener gives you the ability to respond appropriately and will have a tremendous effect towards improving your game with women.
The third worst thing to say is anything that’s in-congruent with your personality…
I see guys do this all the time where they try to agree with everything a cute girl says. She might have a particular political stance, religious stance, or environmental stance, and even if it completely contradicts the guy’s stance, he’ll agree with it.
Girls have no desire to date a yes man. Agreeing with her every word will create a level of in-congruency that she’ll pick up on in an instant. Female intuition will cut through your bullshit in an instant. She can sense when you’re bending the truth just to agree with her.
Another thing that will give you away is when you try to brag about yourself or try to be someone you’re not. Granted, if you’re still a virgin living at home with your parents, spending your entire weekend playing Dungeons & Dragons, you’re probably going to need to make some drastic changes in your life if you want to attract girls, but it doesn’t pay to make up stories.
Hopefully you’ve gained some insight on what not to say to a girl when you approach her. Just be who you are, and say something rather than nothing. You really have nothing to lose using this approach, and everything to gain.
We’ve spoken a lot about what the worst things to say are. What about the opposite end of the spectrum? What are the best things that you can say when you want to chat with a girl who catches your fancy? How can you take yourself from being average at conversation to being a conversational genius?
A couple of years ago I did some live training with three very lucky Vin Di Carlo students, using one of our products Conversation Cure. This program took these three students from being average Joes to complete studs. This will help you learn exactly what to say, how to say it, and when you should say it. Check it out, because it will greatly improve your conversational skills.